Rules...
35-40 lines
vote by cats:
ON TOPIC
DEPTH
IMAGERY
ORIGINALITY
FLOW
MULTIS
VOCAB
Due whenever... not FOREVER
show or die:@

TOPIC: Terminal Illness

g'luck and check up....

Check

*bump*

i'll be posting on this soon enough ... still showing Kay?

Yeah ill be showing, sorry about the wait iv been real busy lately, im working tomorow but may try write something up either later tonight or tomorow after work. i WILL be showing and will drop asap...again sorry for the delay

Wrote 32 lines since i wont have time to add more and wanted to drop....i know rules are 35-40 but whatever hope this is cool

"Ever wondered, just how a cancer cell acts
Or
What it thinks as it spreads around infecting a healthy human?
Or
What goes through a victims mind?"

....Yeah, me too...

Things are received, achieved, conceived in our lives
But some strike a healthy heart, an lethal decease's arise
An' bleed from there eye's, none believing her lies
As kids stare at a 'strong mother' in disbelief that she cry's
Take a seat with a wife, which im slowly infecting
As i watch a wave of infected cells float below me injecting
A lethal incurable wave which'll lead to her death
Looks on in pain, at blood she receives from her breath
She attempts to breath, i revoke and look in
Striking with envy, from each ounce of smoke she took in

....

Sat alone wondering what'll follow this shit?
Choking on her own blood, never swallow's jus' spits
Husband tried stayin' strong despite all the sights
Refusing his help, a strong minded female fighting for life
Feeling weaker by the second, losing hair by the day
Kids staring scarily into her eye's, as she's staring astray
Tears creeping down her cheeks, holdin' em back
Approached or spoke to no-one, sat with cards re-foldin the pack
Alone in a zone knowing she was prone to death
Family become scared to approach her, so alone she's left

...

Supposed to be a mother, instead she would weep
Knowing one night she'd drift into a dead ridden sleep
And never return to tell those around there loved
Blocking them out, she's hear nothing but the sounds above
Conscience whispering, smoking had ended her life
Wondering why for so many years she pretended it's nice

...

Iv finished my mission, taught a victim a lesson
Now you've read this whole verse but your missing the question
....Did i feel at all bad for enlisting infections?
She's now in a better place, so i insist that i blessed em'
A murderous cancer cell finally dyeing away
And another victims death certificate is finally filling away

The sex was the best… with her thick hips…
Light skinned, fit my dick perfect w/ the tight lips//
Gotta tight grip around her… life is perfected…
Heaven sent tho I never detected she may be infected//
She never relayed the message… until one day I felt sick…
Rushed to the hospital followed by a needle stick//
My life changed after that simple prick… Doc entered…
Face of despair… my temperature rises tho it’s December//
His next words would change my life in day, blown away…
“I have some bad news to say, you have full blown AIDS”//

Grief stricken by this sickness that the doctor just mentioned…
This can’t be my death sentence, DENIAL– test me again!//
Done over, same result… as the nurse tries to console…
The words hit my ear drums again as each syllable is retold//
Words reach my earlobe, down the back of my throat…
Thoughts of death filled my chest as my face turned pail and cold//
ANGER, fuck that BITCH! I’MA KILL HER BEFORE THIS KILLS US!...
Speaking enraged as my eyes filled up… damn this is real tough!//
Only 23 and my life aint lived up… and my daughter still in pampers…
My death is ampli-fied… never hear the words because daddy died//
Seeing my baby grow is worth BARGAINING for… what she has in store…
As I pray Lord, I’m only one man but if you keep me alive I will stop war!//
LORD! I can promise you more… just take this illness away from my blood…
I wont do nothing but spread love and I put that on everything I love//
Days later DEPRESSION rear it’s ugly head, I don’t care I wanna be dead…
I wanna be taken from this Earth! I’ll just kill myself now instead//
There’s no cure… it can’t stop now… I’m feeling a little Jigsaw now…
If I suffer… make those who can’t appreciate life suffer too… how?//
I can take my own blood and put in them… fuck 100 girls w/ no rubber…
Whisper little shit like “hey girl I love ya, but uh… you got H-I-V plus”//
What am I thinking?..............

ACCEPTANCE………… the final stage

I had a good run… and my days are getting shorter…
Breath is getting shorter from this degenerate disorder//
Words from the pastor fills my spirit with glee… Grandma I’ll see…
Run into Pac and ask him what he meant on ‘all eyes on me’//
My weight is 100 pounds below… I’m dying slow… gotta cold…
Coughing dry and what exactly is next? Well I don’t know//
But I’m ready… hand can’t stay steady… my heart feels heavy…
Bull shit in the past feels petty…

Eyes close… and I’m gone……………………………

line limit is all good Kay... good verse... VOTE UP!

i'll have links in a little bit

links... if you need diff ones... let me know
http://www.rapworlds.com/forums/showthread.php?t=115240
http://www.rapworlds.com/forums/showthread.php?t=115211

ON TOPIC tied
DEPTH kb
IMAGERY kb
ORIGINALITY kb
FLOW kb
MULTIS kb
VOCAB kb
i enjoyd both verses ithink KB edged DC by just a bit

i EDGED him yet got all cats but one? lol....thanks for the vote

1-0 kay

uppin

ON TOPIC: Tied
DEPTH: DC
IMAGERY: Kay B
ORIGINALITY: Kay B
FLOW: DC
MULTIS: DC
VOCAB: Kay B

Both verses were pretty solid, but I enjoyed the first person like narrative DC threw down, especially when it heated up around the 6-7th bar, and the anger kept me real interested. Since you both had the cata's on equal footing, I'm judging on which verse had a bigger impact on me as a reader, and the emotion DC fed was solid.

Vote: DC

flow=dc
multis=dc
vocab=tie
originality=kay
storyline=tie
enjoyment=dc
overall=dc

this was a nother good battle but got to give it to dc ..for more of a solid battle..but kay you came strong tho ...but just fell off at the end ...
but great battle again

big ups you two

2-1 bump... thnx for voting fellas

anyone....

I'll vote soon.

Soon as in when?

Today.

Ehh


ON TOPIC; Both were equally on topic, imo.
DEPTH; KB, went into more specific detail.
IMAGERY; KB, better word usage led to more vivid imagery.
ORIGINALITY;Tie, neither were TOO original, both were okay.
FLOW; KB, his rhyme-scheme was multi syllabic so obviously his flow was going to be better, DC's was a little simpler.
MULTIS; KB, for reasons stated above.
VOCAB; KB, more complex words and less bland.

V/KB, for having the obviously better verse, good shit.

it only took burden a month to actually vote... thanks ;)

2-2...

Uppin'...

^voting woulda up'd the thread too :$

ON TOPIC:tie
DEPTH: DC
IMAGERY:Kay
ORIGINALITY:tie
FLOW:kay
MULTIS:kay
VOCAB:tie

this was close...i liked DCs approach to the topic but i dont think he followed through on it and put as much time into it as he should have...kay bs flow and multis were far and above better...and his story was still real solid

vote/kay

3-2 Kayb, thnx for voting...

uppin...