View Full Version : Jay-Z & Nas Working On "Success" (Funny Ass Spoof)


Nickel
04-19-2008, 04:28 PM
(Nas, Ty-Ty, Young Guru, and NO ID are @ Roc The Mic Studios recording the track “Success” for the upcoming “American Gangster” album)

Guru: “I’m telling ya’ll…bitch had a nice body…she was wearin’ that dress too…”

Ty-Ty (passes Guru blunt, exhales): “And you sayin’ this was on what site?”

Guru: “NahRight.com, nigga. Them niggas on there been jockin’ her ever since then…”

NO ID (looks up from laptop): “Damn dawg…you must be online a lot.”

Guru (passes blunt back to Ty-Ty): “Nigga Jay pays me more to find beats all damn day then he’s paying you for this track….fuck you think I’m ‘bout to do…go find me a career or somethin’? Follow my “hopes” and “dreams” nigga?? Speakin’ of….how does it feel to know that the person that you mentored is famous and you ain’t?? Did he buy you that Kia outside nigga?? That brand new Rio in the parking lot???”

Ty-Ty: “AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHA!!!!!!”

(NO ID lowers head, continues writing suicide note)

Nas (from corner, with two open paperback books in each hand): “Yo, you almost finished with that beat over there my strong African-American brotha? No homo of course.”

(NO ID closes Microsoft Word, re-opens Acid Pro)

NO ID (trying to hold back tears): “Y…y….yeah….*sniff*…its just about done.”

Nas (picking up a third book and sitting it in his lap): “Ok good…cuz I got some interesting material I’d like to discuss in this verse about the Mumbutu tribe of Zimbabwe if possib-“

(Jay walks in w/ the intro to “Roc Boys” faintly playing from his iPod, dressed in a Rocawear tracksuit)

Jay (mumbling w/ headphones on): “…And the winner is…”

Guru: “Nas?”

(Guru and Ty-Ty LTFAO, Nas tries not to smile)

Jay (taking off headphones): “Whats so funny? Ya’ll talkin’ shit about Bleek again? I told ya’ll that nigga might be sleep in here somewhere…don’t be talkin’ bout how wack he is when he’s around. He already attempted suicide after Guru showed that nigga Rocascenes.com.”

Guru: “Yo but them shits is funny though…that nigga was laughin’ and cryin’ at the same time.”

Jay (daps Nas): “Whateva nigga….NO ID what you got for me?”

NO ID: “Aight check it out….first of all I’m thankful for the opportu-“

Guru: “Just play the beat, nigga.”

NO ID: “Shut up….anyway…..when I first heard you wanted me to do this I thought…Jay and Nas on the same track?? This joint is gonna be monumental. So after a few hours this is what I came up with.”

(NO ID presses play, and Alanis Morisette’s “Ironic” plays through monitor speakers)

*collective blank stare*

NO ID: “Oh…shit. My bad ya’ll….iTunes was open.”

(NO ID plays the “Success” instrumental, everyone nods their heads)

Jay: “Yo”

Nas: “That”

Ty-Ty: “Shit is”

Guru (jumping up): “DOPE nigga! That’s that aggressive content we lookin’ for!!”

NO ID (under breath): Ol’ Curtis Jackson lookin’ ass nigga…”

Jay: “Ayo Guru…remember them beats I told you to find?”

Guru: “Yeah nigga…what about ‘em?”

Jay (sitting @ control board): “Go see if you can find any in the hallway.”

Guru: “But I was…maaaaaaaan them was just…”

(Jay points towards door)

Guru: “I had to make a call anyway…”

(an hour or so later, Jay finishes his verse first and heads toward the booth)

Jay (to Nas): “All I need is one verse from you.”

Nas: “All I need is one mic.”

Jay (points @ Nas w/cheesy smile): “HAAAAAA…..cleverrrrrr….(mumbles) smart dumb nigga…take your little bitch ass back to Afric …”

(Jay walks up to microphone)

(Ty-Ty hits record, beat begins to play)

Jay (looking @ Nas, grinning): “I got these niggas Breezy…don’ worry ‘bout it.”

Nas (looks up from notepad): “Nigga what you say?”

(Ty-Ty stops recording)

Jay: “I was tellin’ Tah-Tah to call Jeezy…and tell him not to worry about…bein’ on the album.”

Nas: “Oh.”

(Nas goes back to writing)

Nas (to self) “Indubitable hoes/African fros…”

(Ty-Ty shakes head)

Jay (mouthing to Ty-Ty): “Keep that take, nigga.”

(Ty-Ty hits record again)

(Jay spits his verse, steps out of booth, sees Nas @ computer w/ NO ID)

Nas: “How does it work?”

NO ID: “Well you can type any address in the bar and it’ll take you to that location.”

Nas: “Word? And its called Google World?”

NO ID: “Nah nigga…Google EARTH.”

Nas: “Woooooooord….”

(15 minutes and 37 big-ass words later….Nas spits his verse for Jay)

Jay: “Nigga….whats the title of the album?”

Nas: “American Gangster?”

Jay: “Yeah nigga. American Gangster. Not American Professor. Not American Historian. Gangstas don’t read books, nigga. That’s not gangsta. Biggie ain’t read no damn books, nigga.”

Nas (under breath): “You’ve read a lot of that nigga’s lyrics though.”

Jay: “I’m…I’m sorry Nasir…did you say something?”

Nas: “I just though of some more lyrics, yo.”

Jay: ” Aight well when you finished, call me…..I’ll be @ the 40/40 wit Bleek discussing the details on his new album.”

Ty-Ty: “AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!”

Jay (shakes head, walks out of studio): “Yeah….I wonder if he knows….”

__________________________________________________ _____________

(4 hours later)

Jay (peeking his into control room): “How we lookin’?”

Ty-Ty: “Nas did his shit & bounced. Yo….you….you gotta hear this shit, Jay.”

(Ty-Ty presses play, Jay listens to Nas’ verse, scrunches face)

Ty-Ty (presses stop): “I know nigga…what we gon’ do?”

(Jay thinks for a minute)

Jay (calmly): “Leave it.”

Guru (from hallway): “Awww shit, son!!! Godson across the mixer!!! The shit that makes your mic burn slow!!! I embrace ya’ll w/ napalm & shit like that!!!!”

Ty-Ty: “Jay he killed it! How you gonna top that?”

Jay: “This shit is chess, not checkers…if I rewrite a better verse, niggas will KNOW. Plus, when these niggas hear the album, they’ll say he murked me…other niggas will cop…which equals more downloads album sales.”

Guru (from hallway): “What the FUCK kinda fake-ass CEO shit is that??? Ol’ Devry Associate’s in Business lookin’ ass nigga…that track’s only been done for 34 minutes and it’s ALREADY on Rapidshare!!!”

NO ID (looking up from laptop): “He’s right.”

Jay (to Guru in hallway): “I think I seen some beats in the parking lot, nigga!!”

Guru: (walking outside): “I was just tryna help, nigga!!! It’s the ROC!!!”

NO ID: “Guru may have a point, Jay. That shit is serious.”

Ty-Ty: “I agree w/ Jay…let’s just put the shit out….see what happens??”

(Jay recieves text message, pulls out Treo)

From: Young Guru

To: Boss Nigga

Message: “Niga u put out “Takeovur”. U saw wut happnd then!!!”

(Jay puts Treo away)

Jay (to Ty-Ty): “Remind me to fire Guru later. Like I said….we’re keeping it. The album goes to mastering in one week…ain’t now way I can top that shit by then. I’ll be back later….I got Kelis and Rihanna’s forehead waiting, and reservations @ the Trump, nigga ask for me.”

NO ID: “Good idea…I agree.”

*collective blank stare*

(Jay daps Ty-Ty, bounces)

Ty-Ty (to NO ID): “Aye nigga…I’m goin’ to Outback, you want anything?”

NO ID: “Nah I’m good…I’m still waiting on AllHipHop.com’s new layout to load.”

(Ty-Ty bounces, Jermaine Dupri comes in)

JD: “Whaddup….Jay around?”

NO ID: “Nah, he just bounced…what’s good?”

JD: “Well I got this beat I wanna show him….needs some work though.”

NO ID: “Word? Lemme hear it…”

Nickel
04-19-2008, 07:34 PM
ths is sum funny shit

hacksign
04-20-2008, 01:51 AM
bitch you expect me to read all that

rap_is_real
04-20-2008, 02:48 AM
lol someone has too much time on their hands to write this shit... liked these parts the most:

Ty-Ty: “Jay he killed it! How you gonna top that?”

Jay: “This shit is chess, not checkers…if I rewrite a better verse, niggas will KNOW. Plus, when these niggas hear the album, they’ll say he murked me…other niggas will cop…which equals more downloads album sales.”

Guru (from hallway): “What the FUCK kinda fake-ass CEO shit is that??? Ol’ Devry Associate’s in Business lookin’ ass nigga…that track’s only been done for 34 minutes and it’s ALREADY on Rapidshare!!!”

________

(15 minutes and 37 big-ass words later….Nas spits his verse for Jay)

Jay: “Nigga….whats the title of the album?”

Nas: “American Gangster?”

Jay: “Yeah nigga. American Gangster. Not American Professor. Not American Historian. Gangstas don’t read books, nigga. That’s not gangsta. Biggie ain’t read no damn books, nigga.”

Nas (under breath): “You’ve read a lot of that nigga’s lyrics though.”

Jay: “I’m…I’m sorry Nasir…did you say something?”


^rofl