unlimited bars
5 vote
3-0 ko
4-1 ko
legit votes only


topic:You have to speak at the funeral of someone you have murdered....

2 links from each of u

http://www.rapworlds.com/forums/showthread.php?t=24225 http://www.rapworlds.com/forums/showthread.php?p=295182#post295182

..Im here I dont know when I'll, Im lazy..

*walks in to church and takes program of Richard Westbrooks Funeral*

Thank you

*bows head and walks up to casket....looking down at Richard’s body*

I had faith in you.... THe dream tried to warn me.... but you.... you gotta. Be Rich...look at you now...

*Richard Mother over hears him talking... I looks at her and as she begins to speak I turn away*

yes... I did...

*she is speechless while I’m walking toward the podium she frets and I begin*

Rich wasn’t da best boy...to yall that don’t know it screw’em/
so don’t say he aint deserve to die like this... I owed it to’em/
All my enemies failed and very few no friends of me fell,/
till I found Richie envied me and befriended betrayal/
see he...was needy for greed his mother could tell you/
he even spent up emergency money when his brother had bail due/
so hell knew.... one day Rich would be come’in it’s way/
smile’in a grinn’in with that sneak’in lil hunch in it’s face.../
And my boy Axe told me “ yo he’s a dumby to pay”/
cuz the same way he looked at dreams he peeped my money dat way/
I told my friend.... patience He knows it’s a privilege to seek my haven/
and if he did back stab me.... I’d deal with the situation/
So Rich gained approval to sell wit my squad/
hard worker never eva bailed on a job/
from look out to cook out and held up his grind/
any thing I gave’em was laid up on time/
and when we did the drive by’s he did everything fine/
came 5 seconds afta we left and scooped the shells from my nine/
my other man It seemed like he just beckoned and wined/
cuz if I were to go the Rich was prolly second in line/
but then the sign came in a dream and explained it to me/
when I saw Judas’s face change in to he... Rich.../
I ignored it at first the a paged me on my waist/
and said “T I really need so real gravy like today/
cuz I got mysself to feed and a baby on da way/
and my girl she just as lazy as I say”/
so I just said Rich yo u can chill/
hit’em up wit payment folded In bills/
now yall I’m not a bad guy or good one at that/
but I just gotta stay good wit my stacks.../
So I went to his girl house to be sure he’s intact/
we talk a lil chick start to rub on my back/
I relax and say “babes you gotta kid come’in you hell-bent”/
and she replies “Kid? T nigga I aint pregnant/”
“well you told Rich that”“ I aint tell him shit/
and he don’t really wit other girls I’d break dem chicks/
plus he aint here enough to fuck I gotta dead bed/
he’s always out wit that other nigga Red Sed/
Now red, he was an enemy of mine/
and Rich kept this enemy inclined.../
So and had Axe track him down/
found’em down town wit Red Sed like she said laugh’in wit clowns/
Rich gave Red money now I feel real tricked/
I gave Rich da money for a gun to kill me wit/
he hit my cell up “T wassup tonight/
wanna meet me on our block at Ghram Street by da light/”
I told’em I was busy and asked him with stress/
“ Yo Rich if I change my mind.... where will you be at? /
He replied “chillin out side at Clinton Park and I know It’s gett’in dark/
but I’ll be their chill’in think’in bout my kid my chick and heart/”
I smirked said peace.....hung up da phone/
reached in the closet for my shoe box and brung out da chrome/
Now I aint really wanna do this but I confront all his plans/
and Ms.Westbrooke understand ya son was my man/
but I can’t front like I aint have da gun in my hands/
I mean how much deception was i gonna withstand...man/
I called my boy he said “ ya anger? channel it Giz/
you told me if he fucked you would handle ya bizz”/
that I did so I said aight and and prepared for the worse/
my era was cursed so prayed for better or Hearst/
and I Drove to Clinton Park with my emotions just reckoned/
and he was their by him self....just as expected/
and walked up gave’em dap he siad “yo when been through a lot”/
as when embraced our hips touched I then felt a glock/
I asked him bout his baby...dat didn’t exist/
he said she’s 3 months in and couldn’t wait for the kid/
my face dropped he asked what wrong I shuningly said/
You Rich and a quickly put da gun to his head/
Rich broke down I said I knew it was you....
And I looked at him curiously and said “what? Tell me da truth”
He said “Kill me if you want I’m ready for you/
Axe said if I got to da top this is what you would do/
I moved shuddered back, Rich was look’in confused/
and speak of da devils Axe a Red came out da blue/
with glocks pointed to our headd Axe said “ it’s tim for my rise
Red help me out cuz he can see the block through my eyes/
and the kid that shits true but that drama can ride/
cuz for a few G’s we got his baby momma to lie/
and now the devil speaks twice cuz from the bushes emerge/
his baby mother drunken sad slurr’in her word/
she shoutted to “Axe and Red I’m sorry I can’t let him die”/
and Rich pulled his gun as He did I met his eyes/
Axe blew away the chick with 3 to the head /
Rich missed Axe with 6 turn and put 7 in Red/
and Put 4 in Axe and he screamed out to Rich/
“this wasn’t part of the plan you cocky little bitch”/
Rich shot his face twice and the pointed at me/
he said “the truth, is that what you really want from me T/
see I never was gonna ride with you Giz/
me Axe Red and my bitch had ab eye on ya bizz/
all that money but you see what costs get to you/
When my girl said she cant do it she was talkin bout you/
I just Double crossed Axe cuz he drew up to plan/
and if he did it to you he’d prolly do it agan/
plus he killed my girl and red I don’t like’em to much/
now it’s down to me and you I mean come’ on lighten up/
we was cool so now you know ya crew was some spies/
so at least you da truth when you die..../
I said nothin as he pull the tigger then I flipped/
cuz with 380's you know it’s only 15 in da clip/
and as he shuffled back and tripped I wished him da best/
and but the rest of my clip in his just/
and I wish I could tell you that you good was what Cat felt/
but at the rate he died there wasn’t no time for a last breath/
so now I stand before you in forgiveness and I shout it/
cuz I’m not sorry for what I did.... just how you feel about it...


*police rush in church*

Freeze Come down with your hadn s up

*I look at Ms. Westbrooke Then the cross behind me and then at a officer and see satan laugh’in with in his face I pull my gun*

*shots fired*

*I fall over the podium and land of floor beside the casket... and I whisper to Ms.Westbrooke*

I’m Sorry.....

..I'll post at the latest Tuesday..


Definitely hung over at the mo and got too much homework..

cool you mind if I fix my topicgraphical errors and post that verse up and have someone delete that one?

..Go for it..

Me Axe Rich Rich's girl

*walks in to church and takes program of Richard Westbrooke's Funeral*

Thank you

*bows head and walks up to casket....looking down at Richard’s body*

I had faith in you.... The dream tried to warn me.... but you.... you gotta. Be Rich...look at you now...

*Richard's Mother over hears me talking... I look at her and as she begins to speak I turn away*

yes... I did...

*she is speechless while I’m walking toward the podium she frets as I begin*

Rich wasn’t da best boy...to yall that don’t know it screw’em/
so don’t say he aint deserve to die like this... I owed it to’em/
All my enemies failed and very few friends of me fell/
till I found Richie envied me and befriended betrayal/
see he...was needy for greed his mother could tell you/
he even spent up emergency money when his brother had bail due/
so hell knew.... one day Rich would be come’in it’s way/
smile’in and grinn’in with that sneak’in lil hunch in it’s face.../
And my boy Axe told me “ yo he’s a dummy to pay”/
cuz the same way he looked at dreams he peeped my money dat way/
I told my friend.... chill, He knows it’s a privilege to seek my haven/
and if he did back stab me.... I’d deal with the situation/
So Rich gained approval to sell wit my squad/
hard worker... never eva bailed on a job/
from look out to cook out and held up his grind/
any thing I gave’em.... was laid up on time/
and when we did drive by’s he did everything fine/
5 seconds afta we left he scooped the shells from my nine/
wit Axe.... It seemed like he just beckoned and wined/
cuz if I were to go the Rich was prolly second in line/
but then the sign came in a dream and explained it to me/
when I saw Judas’s face change in to he...... Rich.../
I ignored it at first then he paged me on my waist/
and said “T I really need some real gravy like today/
cuz I got mysself to feed and a baby on da way/
and my girl....That bitch she just as lazy as I say”/
so I just said "Rich you can chill"..../
and I hit’em up wit payment folded In bills..../
now yall, I’m not a bad guy or good one at that/
but I just gotta stay good wit my stacks.../
So I went to his girl house to be sure she’s intact/
we talked a lil chick started to rub on my back/
I said "Ma relax you gotta kid come’in you head at”/
and she replies “Kid? T nigga I aint even pregnant/”
“well you told Rich that” “ I aint tell him shit/
and he don’t really fuck wit other girls I’d break dem chicks/
plus he aint here enough to fuck I gotta dead bed/
he’s always out wit that other nigga Red Sed/
Now red, he was an enemy of mine.../
and now I see Rich kept this enemy inclined/
So and had Axe track him down/
found’em down town wit Red Sed like she said laugh’in wit clowns/
Rich gave Red money now I feel real tricked/
I gave Rich da money for a gun to kill me wit/
Rich hit my cell up “T wassup tonight/
wanna meet me on our block at Graham Street by da light/”
I told’em I was busy and asked him with stress/
“ Yo Rich if I change my mind.... where will you be at? /
He replied “chillin out side at Clinton Park and I know Its gett’in dark/
but I’ll be their chill’in think’in bout my kid my chick at heart/”
I smirked said peace.....hung up da phone/
reached in the closet for my shoe box and brung out da chrome/
Now I aint really wanna do this but I confront all my plans/
and Ms.Westbrooke understand ya son was my man/
but I can’t front like I aint have da gun in my hands/
I mean how much deception was i gonna withstand...man/
I called Axe, he said “ ya anger? channel it Giz/
you told me if he fucked you would handle ya bizz”/
that I did so I said aight and and prepared for the worse/
my era was cursed, so I prayed for better or Hearst/
then I Drove to Clinton Park with my emotions just reckoned/
and he was their by him self....just as expected/
and walked up gave’em dap he siad “yo when been through a lot”/
as when embraced our hips touched felt his piece I assume it's cocked//
I asked him bout his baby...dat didn’t exist/
he said she’s 3 months in I can't wait for the kid/
my face dropped he asked "whats wrong " I shuningly said/
"You Rich" and a quickly put da gun to his head/
Rich broke down and said "I knew it was you...."
And I looked at him curiously and said “what? Tell me da truth”
He said “Kill me if you want I’m ready for you/
Axe said if I got to da top this is what you would do/
I moved shuddered back,but Rich wasn't confused/
and speak of da devils Axe a Red came out da blue/
with glocks pointed to our headd Axe said “ it’s time for my rise
Red help me out cuz he can see the block through my eyes/
and the kid? that shits true but that drama can ride/
cuz for a few G’s we got his baby momma to lie/
and now the devil speaks twice cuz from the bushes emerge/
his baby momma... drunken,sad, slurr’in her words/
she shoutted to All of us, "I’m sorry I can’t let him die”/
and Rich pulled his gun as He did I met with his eyes/
Axe blew away the chick with 3 to the head /
Rich missed Axe with 6 turn and put 7 in Red/
and I Put 4 in Axe and he screamed out to Rich/
“this wasn’t part of the plan you cocky little bitch”/
Rich shot his face twice and the pointed at me/
he said “the truth, is that what you really want from me T/
see..... I never was gonna ride with you Giz/
me Axe Red and my bitch had a eye on ya bizz/
all that money but you see what costs get to through/
When my girl said she cant do it she was talkin bout you/
I just Double crossed Axe cuz he drew up to plan/
and if he did it to you he’d prolly do it again/
plus he killed my girl and red I don’t like’em to much/
now it’s down to me and you I mean come’ on lighten up/
we was cool so now you know ya crew was some spies/
so at least you know da truth when you die..../
I said nothin as he pulled the tigger then I flipped/
cuz with 380's you know it’s only 15 in da clip/
and as he shuffled back and tripped I wished him da best/
and but the rest of my clip in his just..../
and I wish I could tell you that you good was what Cat felt/
but at the rate he died there wasn’t no time for a last breath/
so now I stand before you in forgiveness and I shout it/
cuz I’m not sorry for what I did.... just how you feel about it...


*police rush in church*

Freeze Come down with your hands up

*I look at Ms. Westbrooke *sheds tear* Then the cross behind me *smiles* and then at a officer and see satan laugh’in within his face *I pull my gun*

*shots fired at me*

*I fall over the podium and land of floor beside the casket... and I whisper to Ms.Westbrooke*

I’m Sorry.....

*dies in pool of blood*

..I'll drop as soon as I can, jus gimme some time..


Sorry for the hold up Giz..

..For mine, there is an inside message,
catch it if you can..

Thoughts rustle as I pull up to the cemetery get out and slam the door
Ignore my headache its weird my brains never been this bland n' sore
Its been slammed before but I continue anyway walkin near the casket
Outside funeral, beautiful day I see the people I wanna steer right past em
My fear has had it but I avoid the oppression and think about Derricks death
Gave him a one way ticket for what he did; but now I've had to inherit stress
The stares whats next? His family members all thinkin why did I do it
I walk past his mother kiss her forehead the truth lays in her bruisin'
But I'll break the confusion; I jus stare at his picture and forward step
And when I reach the platform I start to tell my story but more in depth

*Takes a sip from the water, adjusts tie*
*Breathes in*..

*I start to talk*..but in short sentences..

It aint simple havin to put my thoughts to words
You may think ya I killed em but Im still lost n' hurt
A bad kid known by cops never been caught in church
Little deviant and every time his cause got worse
Specially this time it was in one of his spots to lurk
Usually he was a sneaky dude not often burnt
He got busted for caine his mothers thoughts lost in worth
But for once his mind was else where prolly dropped in earth
This stress you'd think they'd fought the worst
I went to pay for bail but it seemed some1 had bought em first..


*I look down at the ground, rub my eyes, and continue..*

Aight so now the debt is paid and his mom n' him have no communication
And even when his neighbors had cussed 'em D made it thru the hatin
He usually abused the hatred when his mom yelled n' he took the pain
She grabbed him by his shirt slapped but he just shook his face
I jus watched, looked the same he knows what he did no remorse
A tear drops from D's eye tells me he suffers from all the blows of course
The rows are coarse the lines on his face where his mother hit
He walks to his room now prolly goin to get another fix
By now the summers hit cant stand inside D's out a lot more
Some shit has changed the fams moved same place top floor
They're not poor but not wealthy n' now his moms seein a guy
Hes a tall dude a tight job and it seems hes treatin her right
D's now leavin the spite;start investin in a new job
Gettin out the crack game now only known by a few cops
Then the news drops, D's moms havin a kid by this dude
A family bound to break and now this shit had hit feud
All this had ripped thru, Derricks soul now wasted n' bland
Drugs gone thru em now thinkin of it puts his face in his hand
Now look at the state of this man broken fam and cracked out
I wanted to help but it'd be tough knowin his last drought
Look at him past out n' when he speaks he rambles
Wanted to teach him lessons but he was too weak to handle
Its like his feet were mangled, carryin a burden walkin the ground
All he could remember was the yellin no stoppin the sound
But he decided to venture home to his ma ask for forgiveness
n' as soon as he walked in she jus continued wit more hittin
D dropped to the floor spittin, blood from his lip and nose
He turned and punched her as soon as he hit it froze
I suppose time jus stopped n' when I looked Derrick just stared
This kid was vicious I knew now why he'd inherited stares
It'd laired n' his hair the blood some how he'd bashed his forehead
He got up looked at her n' attempted to lash wit more hits
I smashed n' soreness pulled him back in his head and heart
I threw him to the wall wishin, hopin that he was dead to start
'Im goin to my bed' he barked I watched his mom weep in sorrow
I moved to his room spit in his face and said you better leave tomorrow
He said you got any sneeze to borrow I was ready to lunge with grace
*SMASH*..I stared cuz I knew Id broke his skull when I punched his face
It was grunge this place he laid there bleedin surely unconcious
All of this anger in me flooring out bein pure n was wanted
He'd lured n' taunted finally I dealt with it I jus left the room
Head was poundin the way the stress hit boom...


*Tear drops down*

Me and D's mom bounced left the crib and brought her to hotel
Tears from her eyes poured I watched as the flow fell
I stared at the wall then went back to D's place check if was breathin' yet
Walked in his room chest wasnt movin grabbed his wrist started feelin it
He wasnt breathin I looked at the floor his 'E' case was empty
Shit changed so fast I jus grabbed the phone my breathin was heavy
His bleedin was plenty and the cops were bound to come soon
"D Im sorry you were actin up, defended myself shit I learned from u"
I wish you'd come to...

*The Priest starts walkin to the podium*

..I've been hurtin a while knowin that we never made a life for ourselves
We shoulda been huntin, learnin from the shit put strife on the shelf..
And in self I been noticin' with out Derrick here I've disappeared
n' Im keep carryin this burden cuz I know all this shit is fear..

*The priest stands on the platform and addresses the people with a nod*..

Derrick forgive me; we were one and to know I was never charged
I took the weak way out knowin u'd kill me if we ever sparred
It was hard knowing that the stuff u did to ur ma u'd want to hurt her
They said you OD'd man but I jus knew it was murder..



*The priest talks.."Hello everyone we're here in remembrance
of a young man whos died; taking his life, Derrick Sampson"
"Derrick took his life on Saturday nite, no marks of struggle or anything
No blood, no bruises...just an obvious sign of suicide, the police
and Derricks mother found him and his bag of drugs on Saturday"..

"Derrick will be deeply missed,"*

It saddens me D I ponder on the lies that have filled you
n' even more, OUR soul burns knowing that I killed you..

*And now, to tell us about Derrick, Mrs. Sampson*

daaaaamn to a long time to read this

this was a real good battle *applauds*

but yo i think fix really got this one, his shit was deeper....giz ur shit was just too basic it was like regular story tellin.

i donno what categories u want me to vote on

creativity - fix
flow - fix
multis - giz
depth - fix
emotion - fix
vote - fix.

Yo Damn Nice Spit From Both Threadz Man I Like It Alot//

I Have To Give Dis To Fix Da Nigga Went Deep And Had Lots Of Emotions And Feelings

T-giz I Liked Yo Shit But Express Mo Emotion And Feelings// Make It Feel Like U Was In Dat Postion And U Telling It Deeply//

Fix No Advice Fo U Man Keep Doing Yo Thang I Like Topical Battles Too Maybe One Day We Can Battle//

Vote=fix

..^^ If you wanna get destroyed, sure :D..


But nah, thanks man for the vote..
Your not a vet tho..



1-0..Upping..

http://www.rapworlds.com/forums/showthread.php?t=24916

^Vote on that, first of all.

Now, Giz you had an excellent verse. I liked you r approach as far as telling your story before dying. I've tried that in topicals before, so I know that's quite unorthodox. However, your technical aspects lacked. In topicals, you defop need multies. That's VERY important. Also, you wanna throw small hints of wordplay in.

Fix, nice topical verse. I must say I'm impressed. You brought multies and you also had an excellent approach to how your story went. The only thing I didn't really like was the constant pausing. It would work in audio, but it's kinda weird in text.

Okay

Multies: Fix
Flow: Tie
Approach: Tie
Emotion: Fix
Elaboration: Tie
Ending: Tie

VOTE: Fixion

...Gracias..


2-0..For Fixion..

I have to agree with the current votes....Giz came aight...but the overall portion of it was not as complex as i would like it to be....and the twist was good but it couldve been expanded on more....and he shouldve focused more on the pains that were going on then semi telling a life story......


Fixion's was tight...longer......but semi worth it....there were a lot of things that were good in it that made other portions fit together with the overall piece.......all in all......another battle should happen so that the both of u can expand on more ideas.....



Vote-Fix...


Keep droppin yall....

..Gracias Senor.



Muy Bueno



3-0...

*Turns on Lil Flip..*



GAME OVER!!!.

good battle fam

Giz-out

OMFG..........NO YO!!!! NO NO NO NO NO!!!!!!

OMG PLEASE COUNT MY VOTE.....I DID NOT JUST SIT HERE AND READ ALL THAT FOR A FUCKIN KO. ITS NOT MY FAULT THE TITLE SAYS 0-2 *sighs*

My vote was for Giz and I'm a tell you why. Although Fixion illustrated his story easier than Giz did, Giz was more of progressing thru the story rather than the emotions involved. If you look at the story part of it, Fix's wasnt that good. Not to mention his "multies" were such a focus for him yet Giz's seemed so natural as if he actually did go thru it I wouldnt be suprised if he did by the way he told the story. Plus both did this but I found that Fixion had more gaps in his story he didnt bridge certain parts well and thats a bad thing. *sighs* damn yo...yall really need to update these threads my fuckin vote was for Giz but fuck...I cant believe I just sat and read all that shit for nothing.

..Sucker you..



Ell wanna close this now??..