Metrikz
07-27-2004, 03:57 AM
A CEO of a Fourtune 500 company and his employee of the month are out to lunch. While eating their soup, they get to discussing what they got their wifes for Christmas. The CEO puts down his spoon and says
"I got my wife a Mercedes and a dimond ring. That way if she doesn't like the ring, she can drive the mercedes back to the store and pick out a different one."
The employee of the month puts his spoon down and says
"I did something very similar. I got my wife a dildo and a pair of flip-flops. That way if she doesn't like the flip-flops she can go fuck herself."
*This one is kinda long, but really funny.*
There is this fat door to door salesman. He is really good at his job and makes a shit load of money. With having all that money he managed to get himself a really hot wife. But the problem is that she is always cheating on him. So one day he decides to go to a porn shop and maybe get her something to keep her faithful. He goes to the porn shop and tells the guy behind the counter his problem. The guy behind the counter says
"Sir, I got the perfect thing for you. Its called Vodoo dick."
"Vodoo dick?"
"Yeah, vodoo dick." The clerk says "Here, let me show you."
The clerk reaches under the counter and pulls out a wood box. He opens up the box and in side is a plain looking dildo.
"There ain't nothing special about that." The door to door salesman says.
"Just shut up and watch," replies the clerk.
"Vodoo dick, the wall."
The vodoo dick pops out of the box and starts fucking the wall. It goes on for a few minutes and puts a big hole in it.
"Holy fuck!" Exclaims the Door to Door salesman.
"Vodoo dick, the box," says the clerk.
The vodoo dick stops fucking the wall and goes back into the box. The Door to Door salesman buys the dildo and heads home. When he got home he went to the bedroom to give his wife her gift.
"Honey, i got you something today."
"Ahhh.... Fucking door to door salesman, always coming home with stupid shit to give me that I really don't give a fuck about."
"Bitch shut up." The fat door to door salesman takes the box out of the bag, opens and says "Vodoo dick, my wife."
Vodoo dick pops out of the box and starts fucking his wife real hard. She's screaming, moaning, rolling all over the bed and shit. After about a half hour she starts sceaming "Oh fat ass, this is the best present ever."
"Vodoo dick the box." says the door to door salesman. The vodoo dick goes back into the box. They both get ready for bed and fall asleep.
The next day he gets up and gets ready to go out of town. A few hours later she gets up and does some chores around the house. When she was done she sits down and couch and thinks to herself "Hmmmm..... Feeling kinda horney." While trying to think of who she wanted to come over and do the dirty deed, she remembers the vodoo dick. So she goes to her room and gets it out. She lays on the bed and says "Vodoo dick, my pussy."
The vodoo dick starts fucking her. She's going off like crazy while the vodoo dick fucks her for hours. Finally she gets worn out and wants it to stop. But she can't remember what her husband had said the night before to get it to stop. So she looks in the bag and sees the receipt and decides to go the porn shop. She gets in her car and starts driving to the store, while the vodoo dick is still fucking her. She is on the verge of passing out, swerving all over the place running into shit. Finally a cop sees her and pulls her over. When the cop gets to her window her asks her,
"Ma'am what is wrong with you? Are you drunk? Are you high? You are swerving all over the place. You almost hit my cruiser."
Panting and breathing hard she barley mutters out "there is a vodoo dick in my pussy and I can't get it to stop."
"A what?" asks the cop.
"A vodoo dick." she replies.
The cop then replies "Vodoo dick my ass."
"I got my wife a Mercedes and a dimond ring. That way if she doesn't like the ring, she can drive the mercedes back to the store and pick out a different one."
The employee of the month puts his spoon down and says
"I did something very similar. I got my wife a dildo and a pair of flip-flops. That way if she doesn't like the flip-flops she can go fuck herself."
*This one is kinda long, but really funny.*
There is this fat door to door salesman. He is really good at his job and makes a shit load of money. With having all that money he managed to get himself a really hot wife. But the problem is that she is always cheating on him. So one day he decides to go to a porn shop and maybe get her something to keep her faithful. He goes to the porn shop and tells the guy behind the counter his problem. The guy behind the counter says
"Sir, I got the perfect thing for you. Its called Vodoo dick."
"Vodoo dick?"
"Yeah, vodoo dick." The clerk says "Here, let me show you."
The clerk reaches under the counter and pulls out a wood box. He opens up the box and in side is a plain looking dildo.
"There ain't nothing special about that." The door to door salesman says.
"Just shut up and watch," replies the clerk.
"Vodoo dick, the wall."
The vodoo dick pops out of the box and starts fucking the wall. It goes on for a few minutes and puts a big hole in it.
"Holy fuck!" Exclaims the Door to Door salesman.
"Vodoo dick, the box," says the clerk.
The vodoo dick stops fucking the wall and goes back into the box. The Door to Door salesman buys the dildo and heads home. When he got home he went to the bedroom to give his wife her gift.
"Honey, i got you something today."
"Ahhh.... Fucking door to door salesman, always coming home with stupid shit to give me that I really don't give a fuck about."
"Bitch shut up." The fat door to door salesman takes the box out of the bag, opens and says "Vodoo dick, my wife."
Vodoo dick pops out of the box and starts fucking his wife real hard. She's screaming, moaning, rolling all over the bed and shit. After about a half hour she starts sceaming "Oh fat ass, this is the best present ever."
"Vodoo dick the box." says the door to door salesman. The vodoo dick goes back into the box. They both get ready for bed and fall asleep.
The next day he gets up and gets ready to go out of town. A few hours later she gets up and does some chores around the house. When she was done she sits down and couch and thinks to herself "Hmmmm..... Feeling kinda horney." While trying to think of who she wanted to come over and do the dirty deed, she remembers the vodoo dick. So she goes to her room and gets it out. She lays on the bed and says "Vodoo dick, my pussy."
The vodoo dick starts fucking her. She's going off like crazy while the vodoo dick fucks her for hours. Finally she gets worn out and wants it to stop. But she can't remember what her husband had said the night before to get it to stop. So she looks in the bag and sees the receipt and decides to go the porn shop. She gets in her car and starts driving to the store, while the vodoo dick is still fucking her. She is on the verge of passing out, swerving all over the place running into shit. Finally a cop sees her and pulls her over. When the cop gets to her window her asks her,
"Ma'am what is wrong with you? Are you drunk? Are you high? You are swerving all over the place. You almost hit my cruiser."
Panting and breathing hard she barley mutters out "there is a vodoo dick in my pussy and I can't get it to stop."
"A what?" asks the cop.
"A vodoo dick." she replies.
The cop then replies "Vodoo dick my ass."