View Full Version : A Never-to-be-finished Chapter


THE TRUTH
08-07-2004, 08:38 PM
I was working on this and my phone rang when I got to where the piece ends. I won't finish it because I was sidetracked and lost the inspiration; but I thought I'd post it up to get feedback.

Chapter One

I should be proud of myself; I went from a lazy, drug-dealing, unintelligible lowlife to a highly paid professional liar who doesn’t really care about any of his clients. It’s a step up I’d say. Of course I wasn’t any of those things they made me out to be then; and similarly I’m not any of those things they make me out to be now. Instead I remain a victim to the same stereotypical, poisonous antics that the hood digested when I was growing up—and what’s worse is that we bread our babies and had them grow up on that same shitty formula. It’s only obvious those children don’t develop at a rapid enough pace, or with enough self-worth to speak out against the corruption that rages around them. But then there’s always a handful of people that were kept away from that formula—or who got smaller doses—striving to do better, who understand that life didn’t begin this way for us and it sure as hell won’t end this way either.

I smiled as he told me the story. Again.

“I aint done nothin’, man,” he said, “the police rolled up on me started diggin’ through my pockets talking some shit bout the Misuse ah Drugs Act. Some fuckery like that.”

“Yeah, you’ve told me the story at least fifty times already,” I responded.

“Juss makin’ sure you got ‘em facts straight ‘cause I can’t have you fuckin’ up when we get inside.”

“Nah. I don’t fuck up; but you have to remember this: you shot a policeman.”

You can call me just another head-case—or maybe even extremist—but I was proud of my client. Deep inside I felt his actions were more of what we needed as a people. Not to become criminals, but to stand up for ourselves in whatever way we knew how. I never expressed those sentiments to him, and I would never, but his story lent me encouragement. After all, how many abuses by the police—which are just another faction of the run-of-the-mill oppressors—how many abuses does it take before the abused is supposed to strike back?

“Listen, I understan’ what ya sayin’, but I can’t be going to jail for life,” my client said.

“You’re already in jail. It’s just that where you may be going the jail has bars—and if you’re lucky a toilet in your room.” I didn’t know if he would understand the reality with which I was speaking.

“Whateva, man.” My client shook his head, his hair an impressive array of cornrows met at the back with long braids.

[SHOULD BE, BUT WON'T BE, CONTINUED]

THE TRUTH
08-24-2004, 01:56 PM
uppity up!

NYC SPITZ
08-27-2004, 10:07 PM
Continue it ass , I liked the topic. The grammar conformed with the typical Thug well.

I liked this piece , you should elabortae on this , the part where the lawyer thinks is creative , nice idea.

Please write more on this topic , you're going somewhere , and please proofread :(

which are ( not which are.......WHO ARE) just another faction of the run-of-the-mill oppressors—how many abuses does it take before the abused is (not is...ARE) supposed to strikeback?

Foreal get ya grammar laid down straight before postin , but nice piece , you shold write more on it.

1

THE TRUTH
08-27-2004, 10:28 PM
thanks a lot for the look........always thought my grammar was on point......guess not....

WUNZ


oh, just thought of it in context: if "abused" is singular not plural, then "is" would be grammatically correct, right? Let me know.

NYC SPITZ
08-27-2004, 10:34 PM
Yeah , singular usually takes "is" unless you're talking about a group or something like that.

But you said Before the abused is blah. It's abused ARE becuase in this case abused talks about a groups of people (more than 1) who are abused by the law.

1

-[Mrs.XkDubb]-
08-31-2004, 06:42 PM
this was very well written... i wish u would continue writing on this...but when u dont got the inspiration or the "WANT" to write nuthing u can do..its up to the author...

anyways.. NYC spitz was sorta right with the grammar thing...

"After all, how many abuses by the police—which are just another faction of the run-of-the-mill oppressors—how many abuses does it take before the abused is supposed to strike back"
^^origional sentance

After all, how many abuses by the police—who are just another faction of the run-of-the-mill oppressors—how many abuses does it take before the abused are supposed to strike back
^ revised....

it jsut flows better... thats basically the only sentance that sorta tripped me up ....it stood out as i was reading it becuase of the grammer...but the topic was interesting and u had me wanting to read more..which to me is a sign of a good author...

keep writing...


i write this but i know u will.... so its sorta pointless...lol