xdecent
08-12-2004, 02:43 AM
READ ALL OF 'EM
REAL FUNNY
"Darling," she whispered after they had finished making love, "Will you still make love like that to me after we're married?"
He considered this for a moment, and then replied, "I think so. I've always been especially fond of married women."
One evening, a female police officer pulled a man over for drunken driving, and said, "You are under arrest. Anything you say, can and will be held against you. Do you want to say anything?"
The drunk replied, "Nice boobs."
Q: What is the difference between men and women?
A: A woman wants one man to satisfy her every need. A man wants every woman to satisfy his one need.
A woman walks into a drugstore and asks the pharmacist if he sells size extra large condoms.
He replies, "Yes we do. Would you like to buy some?"
She responds, "No, but do you mind if I wait around here until someone does?
Q: What is the lightest thing in the world?
A: A penis...even a thought can raise it.
A company is like a tree full of monkeys, all on different limbs, at different levels, some climbing up, some climbing down.
The monkeys on the top look down and see a tree full of smiling faces.
The monkeys on the bottom look up and see nothing but assholes.
Q: What's the definition of a real loser?
A: A guy who has a wet dream and gets HIV.
"That bastard husband of mine wanted me to sleep with the landlord because he lost the rent money playing poker," the housewife told a neighbour.
"You didn't do it, did you?"
"I have to admit I did... though with certain misgivings, I might add. What I haven't done, though, is tell my husband the rent is paid up for six months!"
Friends are like underwear - always a comfort.
Good friends are like condom - always protecting.
Great friends are like viagra - lift you up when you are down
A kiss is called:
Humanity if its on cheek,
Love if its on lips,
Passion if its on breast,
Sensuous if its on navel,
Sex if its on vagina,
and Bravery if its on asshole...
Dracula dies and goes to Heaven. God asks him, what does he want to be?
He replies, "A thing with wings, that sucks peoples' blood..."
God makes him WHISPER ULTRA WITH WINGS
A couple just married was happy with the whole thing.
He was happy with hole and she was happy with the thing
"How embarrassing," said the blond, "The party invitation plainly said 'Black Tie Only'. When I showed up, everyone was wearing suits too."
Q: What three things are common between the sun and woman's underwear?
A: Both are hot, both look better while going down and both dissappear at night
Q: What is the difference between riding a bicycle and a woman?
A: Riding a bicycle you fix your ass & move your legs, riding a woman you fix your legs & move your ass
Have you heard the one about the homosexual who wanted to enlarge the circle of his friends
Q: Why doesn't Osama bin Laden have sex with his five wives?
A: Because every time he spreads their legs he sees Bush
Q: What do toys and tits have in common?
A: They're both originally made for kids, but dads end up playing with them
Man: Bless me god, my son is an addict, my wife is a gambler.
God: Is there anything positive going on in you life.
Man: yes! I'm HIV positive
Wife A: I hate my engineer husband, erect n erect...
Wife B: Mine is a Doctor, inject n inject...
Wife C: You both are lucky, mine is a lawyer! postpone n postpone!
Q: Do you know why they call it the Wonder Bra?
A: When you take it off, you wonder where the breasts went
"I must take every precaution not to get pregnant," said Jeeto.
"But I thought you said your hubby had a vasectomy," Preeto responded.
"He did. That's why I have to take every precaution"
Q: What's the biggest tragedy in the movie Sholay?
A: Well, first of all the Thakur's wife dies & then to make matter worse Gabbar cut off Thakur's hand
Q: What's the difference between biology and sociology?
A: When the baby looks like his dad or mom, then it is biology. When the baby looks like the neighbor, then it is sociology
Q: What is the similarity between men and rats?
A: Both keep searching for new holes
Ant and elephant share a night of romance. Next morning, ant wakes up and sees the elphant is dead. Damn, says the ant; one night of passion and I spend the rest of my life digging a grave
Doctor: You look so weak & exhausted. Are you having 3 meals a day as I have advised?
Lady: Doctor, I thought you had said 3 males a day!!
An elderly gentleman went to see his doctor and asked for a prescription of Viagra. Doc: "That's no problem. How many do you want?"
The man answered: "Just a few, maybe four, but cut each one in four pieces."
Doc: "That won't do you any good."
The elderly gentleman: "That's allright. I don't need them for sex anymore as I am over 90 years old. I just want it to stick out far enough so I don't pee on my shoes."
Banta asks his wife, "Tell me a joke in which im not involved?
Preeto, "I'm pregnant!!"
Condoms say to Whisper: When you work, my business is in loss for four days.
Whisper replies: If you fail to work once, my business stops for nine months
All boobs are to be taxed as per size;
38-Burden tax
36-Wealth tax
35-Entertainment
34-Excitement
30-Development tax
American men say: Women are like cigar, throw them and they are finish
French say: They are like wine glass, break them and they are finish
Punjabi say: They are like cassettes, turn to side B and side A finishes
A happy man must have
A woman who cooks and cleans
A woman who has good money
A woman who like to have sex
and ensure these 3 never meet
REAL FUNNY
"Darling," she whispered after they had finished making love, "Will you still make love like that to me after we're married?"
He considered this for a moment, and then replied, "I think so. I've always been especially fond of married women."
One evening, a female police officer pulled a man over for drunken driving, and said, "You are under arrest. Anything you say, can and will be held against you. Do you want to say anything?"
The drunk replied, "Nice boobs."
Q: What is the difference between men and women?
A: A woman wants one man to satisfy her every need. A man wants every woman to satisfy his one need.
A woman walks into a drugstore and asks the pharmacist if he sells size extra large condoms.
He replies, "Yes we do. Would you like to buy some?"
She responds, "No, but do you mind if I wait around here until someone does?
Q: What is the lightest thing in the world?
A: A penis...even a thought can raise it.
A company is like a tree full of monkeys, all on different limbs, at different levels, some climbing up, some climbing down.
The monkeys on the top look down and see a tree full of smiling faces.
The monkeys on the bottom look up and see nothing but assholes.
Q: What's the definition of a real loser?
A: A guy who has a wet dream and gets HIV.
"That bastard husband of mine wanted me to sleep with the landlord because he lost the rent money playing poker," the housewife told a neighbour.
"You didn't do it, did you?"
"I have to admit I did... though with certain misgivings, I might add. What I haven't done, though, is tell my husband the rent is paid up for six months!"
Friends are like underwear - always a comfort.
Good friends are like condom - always protecting.
Great friends are like viagra - lift you up when you are down
A kiss is called:
Humanity if its on cheek,
Love if its on lips,
Passion if its on breast,
Sensuous if its on navel,
Sex if its on vagina,
and Bravery if its on asshole...
Dracula dies and goes to Heaven. God asks him, what does he want to be?
He replies, "A thing with wings, that sucks peoples' blood..."
God makes him WHISPER ULTRA WITH WINGS
A couple just married was happy with the whole thing.
He was happy with hole and she was happy with the thing
"How embarrassing," said the blond, "The party invitation plainly said 'Black Tie Only'. When I showed up, everyone was wearing suits too."
Q: What three things are common between the sun and woman's underwear?
A: Both are hot, both look better while going down and both dissappear at night
Q: What is the difference between riding a bicycle and a woman?
A: Riding a bicycle you fix your ass & move your legs, riding a woman you fix your legs & move your ass
Have you heard the one about the homosexual who wanted to enlarge the circle of his friends
Q: Why doesn't Osama bin Laden have sex with his five wives?
A: Because every time he spreads their legs he sees Bush
Q: What do toys and tits have in common?
A: They're both originally made for kids, but dads end up playing with them
Man: Bless me god, my son is an addict, my wife is a gambler.
God: Is there anything positive going on in you life.
Man: yes! I'm HIV positive
Wife A: I hate my engineer husband, erect n erect...
Wife B: Mine is a Doctor, inject n inject...
Wife C: You both are lucky, mine is a lawyer! postpone n postpone!
Q: Do you know why they call it the Wonder Bra?
A: When you take it off, you wonder where the breasts went
"I must take every precaution not to get pregnant," said Jeeto.
"But I thought you said your hubby had a vasectomy," Preeto responded.
"He did. That's why I have to take every precaution"
Q: What's the biggest tragedy in the movie Sholay?
A: Well, first of all the Thakur's wife dies & then to make matter worse Gabbar cut off Thakur's hand
Q: What's the difference between biology and sociology?
A: When the baby looks like his dad or mom, then it is biology. When the baby looks like the neighbor, then it is sociology
Q: What is the similarity between men and rats?
A: Both keep searching for new holes
Ant and elephant share a night of romance. Next morning, ant wakes up and sees the elphant is dead. Damn, says the ant; one night of passion and I spend the rest of my life digging a grave
Doctor: You look so weak & exhausted. Are you having 3 meals a day as I have advised?
Lady: Doctor, I thought you had said 3 males a day!!
An elderly gentleman went to see his doctor and asked for a prescription of Viagra. Doc: "That's no problem. How many do you want?"
The man answered: "Just a few, maybe four, but cut each one in four pieces."
Doc: "That won't do you any good."
The elderly gentleman: "That's allright. I don't need them for sex anymore as I am over 90 years old. I just want it to stick out far enough so I don't pee on my shoes."
Banta asks his wife, "Tell me a joke in which im not involved?
Preeto, "I'm pregnant!!"
Condoms say to Whisper: When you work, my business is in loss for four days.
Whisper replies: If you fail to work once, my business stops for nine months
All boobs are to be taxed as per size;
38-Burden tax
36-Wealth tax
35-Entertainment
34-Excitement
30-Development tax
American men say: Women are like cigar, throw them and they are finish
French say: They are like wine glass, break them and they are finish
Punjabi say: They are like cassettes, turn to side B and side A finishes
A happy man must have
A woman who cooks and cleans
A woman who has good money
A woman who like to have sex
and ensure these 3 never meet