RULES:
8BARS 2BAR HOOK 8BARS
NO EDITING POSTS *ANY MAJOR PROBLEMS COMTACT ME*
NO FREE POSTING
NO SWAYING VOTES
SHIT TALKING GOES IN DESIGNATED THREAD

CHECK IN TUES BY MIDNIGHT GMT
VERSES DUE SAT BY MIDNIGHT GMT
*NO EXCUSES WILL BE TOLERATED UNLESS OK'D BY OPPONENT*
*EXTENSION 24 HOURS MAX*

FIRST TO 5 WINS 3-0 KO 4-1 TKO

VOTES BASED ON:
ON TOPIC
FLOW
MULTIS
VOCAB
ORIGINALITY
IMAGERY
DEPTH
WORDPLAY
METAPHORS
HOOK ORIGINALITY

PARTICIPATING MEMBERS IN TOURNEY CAN VOTE & VETS CAN VOTE
EACH PARTICIPATING MEMBER MUST VOTE ON 1 BATTLE AND PROVIDE LINK

TOPIC:
Your in a major war and highly involved. Pick the country and the time frame you are in. You have a short ammount of time to write home explaining whats going on and why it might be your last letter.

Good Luck

Check...G'luck...




It'll be a prerequisite for a chance @ victory...:)...

If you make every game a life and death proposition, you're going to have problems. For one thing, you'll be dead a lot..

...........


Good Luck..

Just so that it's official..

Vokals, Jake and I have decided that Wednesday will be our new deadline. I have issues I have to tend to and we don't feel we need that long to produce this piece..

fine by me...but if needed u both still have til saturday...posting early is your 2's choice...

Verse 1:
I didn’t want to but the forces forced me,
I write this repertoire, a colloquy to the course that’s brought before me
A sadistic allegory scripted mainly by the older Ones above me
For the greed and money seized by plenty with the need to form a country
Present Japan - Twenty years post the peace of 1840
We captured a wounded swordsman, amidst defeat he gave his story
And I was stationed to him; gave him food and changed his laundry..
Behaved elusive, but it wasn’t till that day that he claimed his views in..
The Code which he had slain to use,
The painted views within the essence of his being that came to use within his daily moves
At that moment the wormhole opened,
The whole world focused into a glow of hope, you know that all you’ve learned is broken
The circumference and size of my Third Eye was so variegated,
The very changes of my basics coincided with every basis
And as my surprise rushed, my eyes flushed
My protoplasmic fibers mixed in the fires lit by the likes of my “messiah”


Hook:
I write for the best to the worst of ‘em... the rest are just words to them
From the second to first of ‘em... I’ve blessed ‘em with verses from -
The many nights that I send messages home for them
War is vain and tonight, the complexion is worsenin’

Verse 2:
A new day is the birth of a new opportunity to grow in
We battle principalities to pose immunity to Shoguns
See the intentions of the globe now exposed in the open
The motive, whoever baccs their notions gets the max promotions
My adversary shows little emotion,
I’m riddled with fickle devotion by my cause but iron bars are quick to close in
Torn between the words of the this person who knows for certain
That the world his soul preserved would burn if we soldiers could’ve burst in
This is my closing letter to you, though..
This is my new home; a few acute poems engrossed on my tombstone
A man defends his country for money - funny, the truth’s known
That War isn’t clearly defined, plenty is two-toned
My objective, I’m to blame for Western influence’s spreadin’
An instrument of planned destruction till my usefulness has ended
Watch over my son, tell him to never take these steps I’ve rendered
‘Cuz come 9 (o’clock) I’m front-line, to death that day’s events remembered...



Good Luck, fam..

~1ne

The year is 2015…World War 3 is on the verge of fully manifesting itself…Here is my letter…



Dear love I write this for you in haste, to inform of tragic fate
Which has befallen mankind and spanned lives through enraptured hate
Grand Deception which masked the rape, and face of our greatest Enemy
Nationalistic devotion was hopeless boastin’ of wasted energy
Our Human Race pretends to be Media’s Presentation
But man’s greediest generation, has exceeded expectations
Take heed! These reckless statements, alas prove Truth's stranger
To more than Fiction, ‘cause new danger was abhorred when written
Doomed saviors have fallen missin’ with conspiracy tales left alone
To leave the ever present Throne of Ignorance set in stone
Sadly now it’s affected home, and I feared the day this’d be
In vain I bleed as I dream of the day You came to Me
Satan’s free, Illuminati is the creed which controls
Each nation on earth infiltrated for the sake of it’s goals
Specifics statin’ the taking of souls, concentration camps and mass murders
Society is a planned lie Robbin’ lives, and I’ma fight the Cap Burglar…


Blatantly fixed upon a Lie when faced with unbearable Truth
Through scarin’ our youth Evil stares blankly darin’ to shoot
Fearin’ the news, which shakes everything we ever believed in
Incredible Demons, we stand against in contempt with impressions of Treason


I’ve effectively reasoned, and will to live no longer tempts me
My spirit’s Filled with rage, but without you so long it’s Empty
Darkness grips me, surreal reality conquers my mind
I’ve always been a Lost soul only you ever started to Find
Now I’m caught Misaligned, thinkin’ Straight has left my capacity
As Free Mason, Skull & Bones assassin factions stalk after me
An agent with plots backin’ me, to circumvent eventual scarred births
And prevent what’s potentially instrumental for descent into Hell on Earth
Girl what I feel’s not first, ‘cause if it was I wouldn’t be here
So if we don’t meet defeat and succeed I’ll be home in three years
See clear just to Breathe fear, for odds are against all logical Sense
Watch sorrowed events follow next read tears from a heart that’s tense
Hurt thoughts invent this text, and God knows I’m writin’ with passion
The script is might everlastin’ gripped amidst fightin’ and blastin’
The night’s had us concealed, but I must leave for they’ve discovered me
But in spite of this action, I’ve calmed inside at the thought your love for me...




Jerome, you did not disappoint...Well done...

WOW... This was sooo sick, something i would be interested in writing.. Both of you came incredibly dope.. I didn't know this would be that close, this topic is soo close to what i would do therefore i'm going to vote on it:

Damien

I can't really break it down line by line because that will just cause confusion and you can't really do that in a topical battle.. Anyway yours is so authentic, reminds me of old eastern style struggles.

I didn’t want to but the forces forced me,
I write this repertoire, a colloquy to the course that’s brought before me
A sadistic allegory scripted mainly by the older Ones above me
For the greed and money seized by plenty with the need to form a country

^ That was the highlight of the whole verse..

Your verse was very perplexing, i admired the line length, as i'm keen on line lengths myself i wish i could do it like that lol. It kept the flow going strong and glued the reader.

Orcusante

Ah.. Orc.. I never thought that you would be a topic type guy and just battled but you did extremely well on this aswell... Just the colours kind of confused me a bit, i had to stop and be like 'Where am i?'

The topic was... hmm.. i liked it but it wasn't like face hitting, it wasn't really that clear, like no clear objective.. Also some of the lines were extreeeemely big, your style is similar to mine though in these type of topics, atleast that's what i think..

Quoteables:

Darkness grips me, surreal reality conquers my mind
I’ve always been a Lost soul only you ever started to Find
Now I’m caught Misaligned, thinkin’ Straight has left my capacity
As Free Mason, Skull & Bones assassin factions stalk after me


The Vote

ON TOPIC: ..............Damien
FLOW: ....................Damien
MULTIS: .................Orcusante
VOCAB: ..................Damien
ORIGINALITY:..........Orcusante
IMAGERY: ...............Damien
DEPTH: ...................Orcusante
WORDPLAY: --
METAPHORS: ...........Orcusante
HOOK ORIGINALITY: Damien

Vote: Damien

http://www.rapworlds.com/forums/showthread.php?p=395683&posted=1#post395683
^^ my voting link

Jerome-----------------------------------------------------------


Verse 1:
I didn’t want to but the forces forced me,
I write this repertoire, a colloquy to the course that’s brought before me
^^i like the use of the word repertiore..it really sets the mood for the entire piece...

Present Japan - Twenty years post the peace of 1840
We captured a wounded swordsman, amidst defeat he gave his story
^^^how did i KNOW u where going to choose this time frame...lol..

The Code which he had slain to use,
The painted views within the essence of his being that came to use within his daily moves
^^^I do not know if i am correct...but i got the feeling that u were refering to the Da Vinci Code.... at first glance thats how it appeared.....simply becuase u underlined THE CODE.. and my brain automatically thought of The DaVinci Code.. and then in the second line of the bar... u started it off with ..THE PAINTED VIEWS.... my brain just acted on that i guess... but i really liked the way u did that... and made my brain react.....*shrugs* i unno if im right though...


The circumference and size of my Third Eye was so variegated,
The very changes of my basics coincided with every basis
^^ i always had a different interpretation of what the word variegated ment.....i always thought it delt with colors... but i guess it can be used as 'having a variety' of anything....


Overall the First verse really caught my eye...and entranced me.. it kept me interested in the piece as a whole and left me thinking...

Hook:
I write for the best to the worst of ‘em... the rest are just words to them
From the second to first of ‘em... I’ve blessed ‘em with verses from -
The many nights that I send messages home for them
War is vain and tonight, the complexion is worsenin’

overall....i am loving the flow of the hook.... i caught myself actually getting into teh "GROOVE" i guess u can say ... it sounds hott read aloud

Verse 2:
A new day is the birth of a new opportunity to grow in
We battle principalities to pose immunity to Shoguns
^^^I like how u started off the second verse...

See the intentions of the globe now exposed in the open
The motive, whoever baccs their notions gets the max promotions
^^nice....too true...

This is my closing letter to you, though..
This is my new home; a few acute poems engrossed on my tombstone
^^i like how u reffered to death as ur new home.....


[quote]A man defends his country for money - funny, the truth’s known
That War isn’t clearly defined, plenty is two-toned
^^ i like how u reworded that... instead of just saying there are two sides to every story.. u said two-toned...

My objective, I’m to blame for Western influence’s spreadin’
An instrument of planned destruction till my usefulness has ended
^ ^^nice....i like how u described urself in that bar...

Watch over my son, tell him to never take these steps I’ve rendered
‘Cuz come 9 (o’clock) I’m front-line, to death that day’s events remembered...
^^ throughout the whole piece...its the tone of it has the reader thinking of nothing but war and the things going on..i like how in this bar u let in on a sensative side.... thinking about ur son....



Overall....the second verse was hott... i like how certain references were made without being obvious or cliche.... the enitre piece was very smooth and the settings u set in play were very good...




JAKE----------------------------------------------------

Dear love I write this for you in haste, to inform of tragic fate
Which has befallen mankind and spanned lives through enraptured hate
^^ u opened up the way i felt u were going to .... this sets a nice tone for the rest of ur piece...


Our Human Race pretends to be Media’s Presentation
But man’s greediest generation, has exceeded expectations
^^^i like the contrasting u did there... i didnt get it at first but then u explained it to me and it seemed to fit...

Take heed! These reckless statements, alas prove Truth's stranger
To more than Fiction, ‘cause new danger was abhorred when written
^^ sumhow the vocabulary u used in that bar...throws me off...

Doomed saviors have fallen missin’ with conspiracy tales left alone
To leave the ever present Throne of Ignorance set in stone
^^^ this is more of the feeling u started off givin...not too much... not laking...the vocab is just enough...

Sadly now it’s affected home, and I feared the day this’d be
In vain I bleed as I dream of the day You came to Me
^^ i was feeling this bar..becuase i can relate to it of course within other circumstances...

Satan’s free, Illuminati is the creed which controls
Each nation on earth infiltrated for the sake of it’s goals
^^ i love how u reffered to conspiracy in this bar... i have been hearing that word used sooo much lately..lol

Specifics statin’ the taking of souls, concentration camps and mass murders
Society is a planned lie Robbin’ lives, and I’ma fight the Cap Burglar…
^^ im glad u finally painted sum images in my head of whats going on ...WAR wise... at the moment type of stuff....beyond the conspiring and cruel worldy intentions

Overall i like the tone u set in the first verse... but up until now u really havent painted a clear picture as to whats REALLLLY going on..IN THE MOMENT....xcept for that one bar....

HOOK
Blatantly fixed upon a Lie when faced with unbearable Truth
Through scarin’ our youth Evil stares blankly darin’ to shoot
^^i like this bar...it speaks truth..

Fearin’ the news, which shakes everything we ever believed in
Incredible Demons, we stand against in contempt with impressions of Treason
^^i like the reference to demons...

Overall.... the hook was nice..it flowed good and it spoke the truth.... but i still feel HUNGRY... for an image painted to describe whats the deal in the war...

I’ve effectively reasoned, and will to live no longer tempts me
My spirit’s Filled with rage, but without you so long it’s Empty
^^ i like the emotion u showed in that bar... of how u are missing the person u are writing to

Darkness grips me, surreal reality conquers my mind
I’ve always been a Lost soul only you ever started to Find
^^OMG MY FAVORITE BAR... i ammm totally feeling this bar the surreal reality line..HOT.. i can relate


Girl what I feel’s not first, ‘cause if it was I wouldn’t be here
So if we don’t meet defeat and succeed I’ll be home in three years
^^i like the ray of hope in that bar...

Hurt thoughts invent this text, and God knows I’m writin’ with passion
The script is might everlastin’ gripped amidst fightin’ and blastin’
^^ thanks ...know i know that there is actual blasting going on.....

he night’s had us concealed, but I must leave for they’ve discovered me
But in spite of this action, I’ve calmed inside at the thought your love for me...
^^before who??what what is going on.. up until now u have been very vague...but the love in ur letter is nice thru everything that is going on...

Overall.. u really didnt paint a clear picture of what was going on in the moment...but some of ur bars were hott...




ON TOPIC- I felt that ~Damien~ did a better job of staying on topic and depicting the actions and events that were going on in his presence more so than Orcusante.... Orc's piece was full of vagueness and left alot to the imagination..forced u to put 2 and 2 together more than actually painting a clear image in ur head...
FLOW- I Liked the way both of these flowed..they were both very different pieces...but in their own way ...i feel that each flowed the way they were ment to ..
MULTIS- They both sumwhat had multis...but i just felt that ORC had better ones...
VOCAB- I feel that ~Damien~ did a better job of using correct verbiage without having his piece sound off...ORC had a few instances where i felt the vocabulary wasnt all that suitable or that it was sort of thrown in there and felt forced...
ORIGINALITY- ~Damien~ took this... simply becuase the way he created the mood explained the details and the origionality of it all..Orc's piece although great... sumhow seemed EXPECTED...
IMAGERY- They both created good imagery... one was just more on topic IMO than another...
DEPTH- This was a very DEEP battle..both pieces were wonderfully written and had their own depth to each....this was a nice match up..
WORDPLAY- i only saw that cap burgler bar from ORC....but it didnt have a depth that i felt wordplay should have within a topical... the sadistic allegory bar was nice on ~damien~'s part...along with a couple more..
METAPHORS- i didnt really feel that i saw any on either parts....*shrugs* IMO....of what I KNOW IS THE DEFINITION OF A METAPHOR....
HOOK ORIGINALITY- i found myself thinking that Orc's hook was part of the verse... it didnt really feel like a hook to me... but it was good... ~Damien~'s hook was more origional and as i was reading it aloud i found myself really enjoying it...

OVERALL...this was a very good match up .... two very well written pieces of which i enjoyed both ...although close..... i just feel that ~Damien~ took this... nice battle guys..... luv ya both........

2-0 ~Damien~
Nice Battle You 2.

ON TOPIC- I felt both drops were on topic cant say that one stayed on more then the other - so this is tied.
MULTIS- Both of you used alot of multis I just feel that Orc's hit harder.
VOCAB- Im going with ~Damien~ here - Orc used alot of good vocab but I agree with Princess that some of it seemed forced.
ORIGINALITY- Orc got this - Damian's go at this was more expected to me - I figured someone would use the present war or a past war but Orc took it a little further and went into the future.
IMAGERY- Both used great imagery - tied here
DEPTH- Both had deeps drops to this battle can't say that anyone was better - tied
WORDPLAY- Think both used good wordplay throughout their drops - tied
METAPHORS - Didnt really see the usage of any metaphors in either drop
HOOK ORIGINALITY - I liked Orcs hook a little more it matched well with his verses.

OVERALL - This was a great battle guys. You both hit the subject hard and dropped great verses but Im going with Orc - I just think his flow and the imaginary hit a little harder then ~Damian~

VOTE: Orc

...sick drops by both writers...pleasure to read...

damien -

I didn’t want to but the forces forced me,
I write this repertoire, a colloquy to the course that’s brought before me
A sadistic allegory scripted mainly by the older Ones above me
For the greed and money seized by plenty with the need to form a country
^fav sec of first verse...

first verse was nice...flow was on & started the piece well...

I write for the best to the worst of ‘em... the rest are just words to them
From the second to first of ‘em... I’ve blessed ‘em with verses from -
The many nights that I send messages home for them
War is vain and tonight, the complexion is worsenin’
^diggin the hook...the complexion is worsenin line was ill...

My objective, I’m to blame for Western influence’s spreadin’
An instrument of planned destruction till my usefulness has ended
Watch over my son, tell him to never take these steps I’ve rendered
‘Cuz come 9 (o’clock) I’m front-line, to death that day’s events remembered...
^loved the closer...wrapped the whole thing up nicely...

ON TOPIC - 8.5
FLOW- 9
MULTIS - 8
VOCAB - 9
ORIGINALITY - 8
IMAGERY - 8
DEPTH - 9
WORDPLAY - 8
METAPHORS - 8
HOOK ORIGINALITY - 8
total = 83.5

orc -

Dear love I write this for you in haste, to inform of tragic fate
Which has befallen mankind and spanned lives through enraptured hate
Grand Deception which masked the rape, and face of our greatest Enemy
Nationalistic devotion was hopeless boastin’ of wasted energy
^def fav & strongest part of first verse...set it off...

Blatantly fixed upon a Lie when faced with unbearable Truth
Through scarin’ our youth Evil stares blankly darin’ to shoot
Fearin’ the news, which shakes everything we ever believed in
Incredible Demons, we stand against in contempt with impressions of Treason
^hool was ok...liked the opening bar better...the lie/truth play was nice...

So if we don’t meet defeat and succeed I’ll be home in three years
See clear just to Breathe fear, for odds are against all logical Sense
Watch sorrowed events follow next read tears from a heart that’s tense
Hurt thoughts invent this text, and God knows I’m writin’ with passion
The script is might everlastin’ gripped amidst fightin’ and blastin’
The night’s had us concealed, but I must leave for they’ve discovered me
But in spite of this action, I’ve calmed inside at the thought your love for me...
^this whole sec was real nice...started to build up the tension towards the climax which made for a more enjoyable read...it did make things harder to vote on though as i felt your second verse was much stronger than your first which affected some scores...

ON TOPIC - 8.5
FLOW - 8.5
MULTIS - 8.5
VOCAB - 8
ORIGINALITY - 9
IMAGERY - 8.5
DEPTH - 8
WORDPLAY - 8
METAPHORS - 8
HOOK ORIGINALITY - 7.5
total = 83

...this was real close...an enjoyable read by both & a shame someone has to be viewed as "losin" ...just felt that the consistency of damiens verse got him over the line...

83.5 v 83 vote = damien

~Damien~ 3 - Orcusante 1

Damien

Flow
Your structure made it difficult to read in some places, where I had to re-read the bars to catch the flow but it was obbviously on throughout most of the piece except probably for the first two bars.

The Code which he had slain to use,
The painted views within the essence of his being that came to use within his daily moves
At that moment the wormhole opened,
The whole world focused into a glow of hope, you know that all you’ve learned is broken

^^Example of structure off but I just loved how this flowed. Very nice

Another flaw was the transition between rhyme scehemes, I felt like you jumped into rhyme schemes too quickly in most bars instead of carrying on the previous rhyme into the begininning of the next bar to smooth it out. This is not necassary but it makes it flow a little better. But on a basic level your flow was pretty much on and nice multis in most places. 7.8/10

Imagery
Real nice. I actually pictured myself in the piece and the setting of the story was even more interesting. More of a "warrior's" feel to it if I might say but besides that nice portrayal of the plot and right choices of words. 9/10

Metaphors

Yes. You actually had real metaphors which is something I myself am working on, not wordplay or similies but the actual metaphors they taught me about in the 4th grade. Deep concepts behind them too

The circumference and size of my Third Eye was so variegated ,
The very changes of my basics coincided with every basis
And as my surprise rushed, my eyes flushed
My protoplasmic fibers mixed in the fires lit by the likes of my “messiah”

^^Those last 2 lines stood out to me. 9/10

overall

A nice piece. The storyline was ON POINT. Explained not only a war was going on but why it started, nice choice. Everything else is explained above

Overall- 35.8



Orcusante

Flow

Wow, talk about flip-side. Your structure was on point and made it so easy to read and understand the flow, but I found the rhyme scheme a little too generic. 1,2,1,2 in alot of cases which could be very boring. Transition was there in some bars which was an upside but besides that nothing else I can really say.

Blatantly fixed upon a Lie when faced with unbearable Truth
Through scarin’ our youth Evil stares blankly darin’ to shoot
Fearin’ the news, which shakes everything we ever believed in
Incredible Demons, we stand against in contempt with impressions of Treason

^^Funny to pick the hook. but to tell the truth this was my favorite part of the piece, but as far as flow, it went nicely[/B]

Flow- 6/10

Imagery

The first verse portrayed the concept better than the first as you were explaining the war itself which made it easy to capture. 2nd verse was nice in its own way also but its just something about the 1st one and also the setting and how you explained the war was kind of frightening seeing its the near future and seeing how things are going now your piece could very well come true. For this you get a 8.5/10


Metaphors

Some decent metas here. Soem of them I found like you tried a little too hard on them but you some nice lines.

In vain I bleed as I dream of the day You came to Me
Satan’s free, Illuminati is the creed which controls
Each nation on earth infiltrated for the sake of it’s goals
Specifics statin’ the taking of souls, concentration camps and mass murders
Society is a planned lie Robbin’ lives, and I’ma fight the Cap Burglar…

^^nice but i think its CAT burgular isnt it?

I’ve effectively reasoned, and will to live no longer tempts me
My spirit’s Filled with rage, but without you so long it’s Empty

^^Nice again. For metaphors you get a 6.8/10

Overall

Above average piece. Some basic flaws in the flow but the storyline was haunting which made it so interesting. One thing I never liked was you spent alot of rhymes discussing the the actual war and whoever you were writing too but only the last bars really adderessed your actual involvement which I thought was a setback.

Overall- 30.3


ON TOPIC--tie
FLOW--Damien
MULTIS- Damien
VOCAB- Damien (I actually had to hit the dictionary for some of those words)
ORIGINALITY- hmm...Damien (I find WW3 a little too predictable, and the reasons Orc had behind the war was also predictable for WW3 seeing alot of people including myself would ahve the same notion that the future would be overrun with corruption and whatnot....Damien took back to a more distant setting,)
IMAGERY-- tie
DEPTH--tie
WORDPLAY- Orc
METAPHORS--Damien

Overall vote--Damien
HOOK ORIGINALITY

~Damien~ Wins By TKO 4-1
~Damien~ Advances To Face The Winner Of The Black Thurz Crooked Topical
Congrats

I fought valiantly good sir Damien...When you win the $50, I'd appreciate it if you sent me ten...

;)

I forgot to mention, much thanks to all who voted...They were all explained well and appreciated accordingly...

Thank you all who took the time to read these verses. Jake and I put alot of heart into our work and we would like to thank everyone who read our pieces and those who read it and replied. This is all done in the spirit of elevation..

Jake, you were one of the few people I was looking forward to facing in this Tournament. I appreciate the fact that you wrote a piece that was well thought out and not thrown together for the sake of a deadline. Your efforts were not in vain simply because the feedbacc we received here will only serve to help us realize where we went wrong and how to advance our skill in the areas we fell short..

Much respect..


~1ne

Good Shit My Nigga, But If You Would Have Lost Then We Would No Longer Be Coo.......Real Talk..........HAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHA.............




~Jesus Knows~

.....lol@Jesus....






*smirk*





Closed