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16-18 BARS
FIRST TO 5 (4-1 TKO...3-0 KO)
VOTE ON:
ON TOPIC
DEPTH
IMAGERY
ORIGINALITY
FLOW
MULTIS
VOCAB

PARTICIPATING MEMBERS & MEMBERS WHO WERE INVOLVED CAN VOTE. ALSO VETS CAN VOTE. EACH MEMBER MUST VOTE ON ONE (1) BATTLE!!!

TOPIC: SIMULATE A SUICIDE, DOES IT GO THROUGH?

GOOD LUCK

*smirks*..


In..

Checking In. TIME TO LOSE! (me, that is)

Worthless… why was I born? I’ve asked myself for years.
So have peers; atrocious they are… ridiculing me through jeers.
I steer clear of the folks here. Like deer in headlights my eyes bleed fear.
And I faint at the sight of paint on my window, the words say “QUEER!”
Leers and sneers engulf the areas; I go into wild hysteria.
Niggas starin’ at ya and blarin’ at ya, I feel ill like I got malaria.
I turn to flee away but fist and feet void my way.
“FUCK GAYS!” they say as they beat away… now done, I’m left to bleed and crawl away.
Maimed and shamed has me ponder, “Why me?”
Even my father dislikes me, especially when I revealed I had HIV.
He says that the Bible tells tales of homosexuals going to Hell.
All I can say is “Oh well, sell my soul to the devil for being gay rings my bell.”
But now I can’t dwell in this life anymore.
Was cool with the strife before; until homophobes came beating on my door.
Shady’s the idea of hara-kiri; I mean, is it in me?
Shits driving me crazy! But enough to kill myself? Just maybe…
How would I do it? How should I conduct my own doom?
Turn up the heat while enclosed in my room? Then get under the sheet and sleep forever through carbon monoxide fumes?
In my head loom suicidal thoughts though I’ve fought the idea of self-kill, wanting an alternative instead.
Wanting to break bread with God but to Him I’m dead. No fags in His kingdom…well, that’s what he said..
No friends or family to go to. The boat I’m in can no longer float.
Even my conscience gone turncoat. To take my life away… well, it’s time to vote.
Should I end my life as a bloke soaked in his own tears and cloaked in his own fears?
Revoked by his own folks and croaks when someone comes near?
Or should I survive through my sadness and revive from my madness?
Realize my faults aren’t my fault and live my life with gladness?
Drag this is; I’m gay, not straight so can’t brag about a missus.
Not listening; dismissing all disses toward gay. Come forward incorrectly and you’ll pay.
Your hate paved a path for the unbehaved wrath in me.
You laughed at me, now I craft on thee. I’m a new man with a new plan so do the math, G.
I used to be nice and gentle with feeling kind of brittle.
Now I’m vice and mental and your feelings I will cripple.
It’s simple, I clip my own heart out and replaced it with a cold one.
I’m a bold one now; I rip on all, young and old ones.
I’m alive physically but inside I’m gone; spiritually deceased.
Leased my soul to Satan but hating it for now I’m never at peace.

..Nice verse, I shouldnt have left it last minute..


Anywho..

Who could overcome this hate..at school everyday I got smashed
I tried to let my dreams ride, but all I see is my thoughts crash..
A lots passed; but even then at night I still hear the screams..
Of my ancestors, whipped and beaten..how can I carry on when I fear to bleed
Adhere this dream but as soon as I push it in my head..I jus concuss
Cuz they bash my skull..I cant complain or I`ll get it double or just as much
Continue to bust my guts..only because they say God has burnt my skin
I jus turn my other cheek, cuz it was He who said its worse to sin
Where did the hurt begin, who really knows..and whos to blame
My mother for making me or God cuz hes confused with wut to do with hate?
I stay with a bruised in face..with these mirrors how can I look past the strife
I wanna attack my skull more, no fists but with only these jagged knives
Wishin to be that man in life..who could raise his family n have the heart to win
Ive tried to fight back..but it seems Im outnumbered only 1 with this darker skin
Wont bother to mark a kin..cant spread my seeds my garden jus sits thru storms
Really..is this hate for my kind jus a glitch..how do these hits conform
Been ripped n torn have we done the whites so wrong..they have no want to yield
We mind our business..my time is finished pickin in the cotton fields
Have they yet not to feel; the pain they dish will come in more plates..
How can God save me now, said u`d rescue me, well you`re late
Now I throw forth fate..dropped so much on head dont know where mind is
And as I stuttered before my beatings..I cant stop them..so they beat me mindless
Then time hits; realizing why am I here the words Ive lost to say
I tried to choke the life out of myself but maybe not the proper way..
Could be one shot, no play...I look at my life try to cuddle wuts left
But do I want the mess..I taunt this stress try not to struggle my death
Surrounded by a bundle of deafs..people that dont care for my cries
When they`ll show to the funeral, claimin friendship jus baring the lies
Ive been impaired in my life..no disablility, but I`ll be blasting a tip
Those of color should strand strong..I cant take this thrashing of shit
I jump with another crack of the whip..my skin begins to bleed n sever
I let him down..now this noose is the only thing that will carry me to Heaven

Good luck..

ON TOPIC: Both
DEPTH: Both
IMAGERY: Both
ORIGINALITY: Fixion
FLOW: Both
MULTIS: Fixion
VOCAB: J.M.

Critique:
This round was nice. The idea of staying on topic is not foreign to either participant and I felt the topic was done well from both angles. I surely didn't expect Fix to take it that far bacc, though. I was pleasantly surprised by his verse. The depth and imagery was somewhat equal. I don't think I can decide who it was that had a "deeper" verse because they both seem to exhume a layer of depth that doesn't necessarily exceed my expectation of normality. When it came to the most original, I have to go with Fixion. JM's verse was very well put together but I kinda expected the gay thing. When it comes to the "flow" I've had problems. I don't know how the writer may have meant for the verse to be read so I just based it on how easy it was to read and catch the rhythm for myself. Both seemed to "flow" accordingly. On the topic of Multis, Fix had it simply because it didn't seemed like it was forced at any time. JM's was tight work aswell, but I felt at times you simplified your multis just so that it would rhyme better. You can still orchestrate a verse with well-thought out rhymes without sacrificing ya' words. When it came to vocabulary, I gave it to JM. I re-read Fix's verse to see where he displayed his control of the english lanuage but I felt there weren't many examples of this. JM had a nicely put together verse where some words were incorporated to show his mental dexterity and lyrical prowess. When everything is taken into consideration..

Vote: Fixion

ON TOPIC: Both, i was really feelin both angles u 2 came in
DEPTH: i want to say tie..but fix grasped me a little bit more with what he was trying to say..i got that slavery sense and thats some serious shit and the angle he took with it and the words he used too depth...
IMAGERY: i want to go again with fix, its just the imagery i could see when reading his verse...very well writtin, mizzle u had nice imagery too, but seemed like u concentrated on multis a bit more and flow than the imagery
ORIGINALITY: fix...i really didnt expect what he dropped...wasnt expecting Mizzles but i figured u would drop something like that...
FLOW: Fix's came off more smoothly to me
MULTIS: Mizzle had some nice combos of multis
VOCAB: Mizzle had a great variety of vocab in his piece...sometimes coulda been worded differently woulda helped him with imagery...

overall this was close on all perspectives but i think fix won this by a close margain...very nice topical battle...Mizzle u have surprised me..u have a great sense of topical ability and with a little more expanding and experience u could be at the top...

vote fix

ON TOPIC: Both
DEPTH: MIZZLE
IMAGERY: MIZZLE
ORIGINALITY: MIZZLE
FLOW: Both
MULTIS: Fixion
VOCAB: Mizzle

Critique: overall i enjoyed both verses alot but this is a matter of opinion as percieved by the reader and to me MIZZLE took this...Fix's verse was good but it really didnt leave the same impact on me as Mizzle's..IMO fix's verse felt rushed in a way...but it was good none the less... Mizz'es verse was very good...the imagery he created to me was nice and it really outshone the other verse.... nice work...both of u all did a great job...

MY VOTE: J-MIZZLE

depth: mizle
flow: fix
multies: fix
originality: tie
imagery: tie

vote: fix

more of a break down please...

..Uppin this to finish..


2-1

depth: mizzle
flow: fixion
multies: fixion
originality: mizzle (could be cuz i'm used to fixions shit by now)
imagery: tie

vote: fixion... both had great potentional I just feel fixions overview was better

1- more of a break down..2 can u explain how flow and multis beat depth and originality...which is the main reason for winning a topical??


2-1

ON TOPIC: Both
DEPTH: Both
IMAGERY: Both
ORIGINALITY: Fixion
FLOW: Both
MULTIS: Fixion
VOCAB: Mizz

This battle was actually alot more even then I expected it to be. Everything was pretty matched in all topics. I think Fix pulled through a little more than Mizzle did though. So on that, my...

...VOTE: Fixion

Well, seeing as it would be nearly impossible to comback back from a 3-1 deficit, I'm am going to gracefully fallback and give the win to Fixion. Fixion you're good, especially if you can drop a piece created in one day that beats a piece created in 6. I wish you good luck.

I'll see you all in the next tourney.

I got a lot of respect for you man..

Good battle..

I`ll ask Vok if I can close it..