View Full Version : The Rain....


Xkwisite
12-19-2004, 05:24 AM
Juss leave feed......its the next "sexual" scene in my upcoming novel......BUT.....i'm not sure who this is going to be between just yet so the Names Have not been filled...you will see a lot of Him And Her....so...bear with me.....

The rain fell heavily around them, as they stood embracing each other through the bitter emotion of guilt and love. He stared into her eyes and the hazel visage caressed his soft face. The moonlight reflected through the raindrops illuminating the dark alley. She began to stare back at him. Her mind and hands clenching themselves, grasping the instinct to embrace him and release the mounting romance held inside. Breaths began to synchronize and as the condensed breath drifted into the air his words sliced through the rain and wind.

“I Love You. It has taken me too long to realize that, and allowing you to walk out of the concert before I had the chance to play a note would be the biggest mistake of my life. My spirit feels empty, and all the times that I thought about loving you, I blocked them out and didn’t give them the chance to manifest or even logically form. In the past I denied a future that could be ours. I don’t want that anymore. You are the one that I want to be with. I want to be able to feel your love every time my heart wants to play a symphony. I want to be able to see your touch every time I look for applause. You are everything to me, and I don’t want to lose that now,” He said.

His mouth drifted from her ear as he began to transfix himself on her face. Time stopped, the arduous rain fell slower as every one of her senses heightened themselves. The sounds of the rain became droplets of a metronome. The harmony of the weather unveiled a moment of clarity. His lips yearned for her touch and before she could control herself the rush of emotion exploded. As mouths embraced, hands journeyed across the wet plains of drenched leather and felt. Their eyes were closed feeling the warmth of love’s sun as it blessed their passion. He tilted her head as his tongue began to dry her dampened neck. She felt her spine quiver and her heart race with the thought of what may happen next. Their hands interlocked and as his teeth gripped her ear lobes she felt pleasure’s touch. Its fingers surrounded her and the hate that she felt melted away as the fingers massaged her spirit. Her knees were distressed as his hands began to remove her jacket. He wanted to make sure that his touch was invited and cherished. He leaned in to kiss her again. Her emotion grew and as her head leaned back against the concrete wall she grabbed at his chest. As her silk shirt began to cling to her delicate skin, he ran his fingers across her shoulders. The rain entrapped them, closing them off in their own world as he passionately helped her release the pain that she let her love succumb to. She moaned softly, grabbing at his broad shoulders and defined neck. She ripped off his jacket and as it fell to the watery ground, the water drenched his shirt. She brought him closer to her and let her tongue quench her thirst across his neck. Her lips desired to roam across his bare skin and as she kissed his collarbone her hands gnawed at his back. He gritted his teeth and as his eyes closed he felt her soul get closer to him. The surreality of feeling their spirits collide caused him to hold her more. His hands grasped the soaked silk shirt and as she continued to sensually kiss his skin he stroked her back. He leaned her closer to the concrete wall and as he unbuttoned her blouse, his tongue trailed through the crevice of her cleavage. She took a deep breath while his hands traveled upward from her waist. She felt his deep hands amuse her waistline and stomach. Her body molded to his hands as she reached to kiss him. He pulled away telling her “Enjoy every time I touch you.”

Her breathing hastened and as she felt his arms embrace her to take off her bra she felt the water fall on her. She welcomed the wet surroundings and opened herself to this new opportunity. His hands slowly reached to grab her breast and as she grabbed his arms, she felt her leg restrain his thigh. She began to moan deeply and while he firmly grabbed her breast, she placed her hand across his knuckles guiding him with each massaging grip. His lips began to melodiously kiss at her neck. The rhythm of lovemaking began to manifest itself and she felt her hands pulling his shirt over his head. The rain weighed the shirt down, but as the moonlight glimmered in the water, she could see the stream of fluids run through his shoulders and chest. The rain’s current rippled over his sharpened stomach; she couldn’t contain herself. He felt her tongue run lower from his chest to his stomach. Her nails etched themselves into his skin, dragging themselves as they felt his muscles. She felt possessed as her teeth unbounded the cage of denim that encased her prize. His arms fell at his sides and he his mouth trembled with anxiety. Slowly unzipping his pants, her breath caused for him to grow with intensity. The sheer wanting of having her gripped his soul and with each passing moment a sense of control was lost. She lowered the cages, revealing the one thing she had waited for so long to have. Its massive wield groped her cheeks, her eyes became transfixed, and his eyes rolled within their sockets. She nibbled at the head of his penis, and as his breathing hastened she began to let her tongue dance over the soft skin. She grasped it with confidence; her mouth salivated at the look of it. Lust’s fingertips crept behind reasoning’s neck, choking the logic of what was going on and letting it become seductions loving moment. Her mouth embraced him, and the warmth of the surroundings made his skin tremble. Her tongue cherished every inch of skin, and as the cold water fell from the sky all he could do was look down and watch every oral stroke.

Xkwisite
12-19-2004, 09:51 PM
.....smh.....uppn

ROSE.
12-20-2004, 10:48 AM
His mouth drifted from her ear as he began to transfix himself on her face. Time stopped, the arduous rain fell slower as every one of her senses heightened themselves. The sounds of the rain became droplets of a metronome. The harmony of the weather unveiled a moment of clarity. His lips yearned for her touch and before she could control herself the rush of emotion exploded.
^Beautiful

Every time I quoted it..they just got better as it went along..too many really. The detail was so elaborate over everything..
The setting that you kept mentioning in between..It did SOMETHING..normally sex stories focus on just the sexual parts, but now that you keep coming back it adds the sense of me seeing it just a little better, the emotions are set far more than usual. The rain was a significant part..it's what made it so passionate for me.
The one thing..this is just a fragment of the novel...I hope you don't repetively say "said" after a dialoge. I saw it..and I dunno, many writers forget that there is ALOT more words to be said..then.."said"...lol!
I deffinetly want a copy of this Bernard...I get it free right?

Xkwisite
12-20-2004, 02:38 PM
.....if you are nice, i will give you a discount price and a signed copy......and the said parts are only because I really am not sure who this moment is going to be shared between.....I don't know if its going to be between the two main characters.....or between their "respective" relationships that don't include one another......(does that make sense to you....it does to me....i guess its because IIII'm writing the novel....lol)

Aero
12-20-2004, 02:49 PM
The rain fell heavily around them, as they stood embracing each other through the bitter emotion of guilt and love. He stared into her eyes and the hazel visage caressed his soft face. The moonlight reflected through the raindrops illuminating the dark alley. She began to stare back at him. Her mind and hands clenching themselves, grasping the instinct to embrace him and release the mounting romance held inside. Breaths began to synchronize and as the condensed breath drifted into the air his words sliced through the rain and wind.

“I Love You. It has taken me too long to realize that

The beginning was surprisingly well written. Had a good flow and good imagery and set the stage for the rest of the story. Nevertheless you're homo for this story. Smh @ this nigga giving Imagery for dick sucking...

Xkwisite
12-20-2004, 02:54 PM
The beginning was surprisingly well written. Had a good flow and good imagery and set the stage for the rest of the story. Nevertheless you're homo for this story. Smh @ this nigga giving Imagery for dick sucking...


lmao....I was juss imagining Z doing her job...........besides what's a romance novel without the sex scenes.......I'm juss taking it a bit further than its usual he licked her climax nipples and she grabbed the rock of his jeans.....blah.....the shit doesnt show feeling.........

Aero
12-20-2004, 03:05 PM
His mouth drifted from her ear as he began to transfix himself on her face. Time stopped, the arduous rain fell slower as every one of her senses heightened themselves. The sounds of the rain became droplets of a metronome. The harmony of the weather unveiled a moment of clarity. His lips yearned for her touch and before she could control herself the rush of emotion exploded.

That Part was Really Well Written and Thought Out. Its crazy how she's sucking his dick in the rain, which is if you think about it, really nasty. rain and the water cycle.. ewww... she prolly got salt and ocean droplets on her tongue. Would it be possible for her to give him a hand job and have the same affect seeings how the rain would provide the moisture...?

Xkwisite
12-21-2004, 01:33 AM
....do you think that it would feel the same.....i don't...i'd rather have a warm ass mouth....than water and the friction of a hand.....lmao........uppn for more comments....

ROSE.
12-21-2004, 12:37 PM
Lmao..Aero..why are you sooo obsessed with the blow job?

-- Ox E on ----
12-21-2004, 02:26 PM
Honestly I read about half shits raw love and all just man the content slips and losses interest then at toher parts you excel in approach I'LL LET YOU FIGURE WHERE, take in only read half anf the shit makes sense consistant tense just to me seemed soft slightly I mean love is understood formulate mean twists at the end of each section cutting these smaller and smaller makes an Ill writter thats what lost my interest you had this shit at first then loved the basics meanin when dealing with love really love that shit no question how potent that the real puzzle so good for the moment I'LL CHECK in more when the scenes become rawer and unexpected

Royalty
12-22-2004, 02:37 AM
Well put !Rose!
Aero you're gay.
I.Q. good comment!

Lord, I read some of this earlier to day but I was beyond to lazy to reply. I completed the rest of it just now. I must say Xkw you really have very good sense in how to get a girl to delve into your literature. Your detail and the complete emotional roller coaster of how she felt how you felt is beyond excellent. It is wonderfully written, it leaves you hot, horny, and feeling sexy all at the same time. I have not a clue or word to say to you but “wow“ .

.LadyMarmalade.
01-01-2005, 01:57 AM
No, no...NOOO

lol, jk Bernard...

Interesting story, mind you I didnt stop reading it. It was well written with some flaws.
First comment..

“I Love You. It has taken me too long to realize that, and allowing you to walk out of the concert before I had the chance to play a note would be the biggest mistake of my life. My spirit feels empty, and all the times that I thought about loving you, I blocked them out and didn’t give them the chance to manifest or even logically form. In the past I denied a future that could be ours. I don’t want that anymore. You are the one that I want to be with. I want to be able to feel your love every time my heart wants to play a symphony. I want to be able to see your touch every time I look for applause. You are everything to me, and I don’t want to lose that now,” He said.

That was...I unno it kinda threw me off, its romantic but it couldve been written in different terms. Like "she remembered the letter he wrote her, and then quote that. I unno..

Another thing is it seemed so rushed at times...
like
Her emotion grew and as her head leaned back against the concrete wall she grabbed at his chest.

Her lips desired to roam across his bare skin and as she kissed his collarbone her hands gnawed at his back.

COMMAS, use commas!!!!

ANyway, this is deep, I look forward to reading the book...Imagery was definetly there. Nice

Sidenote: Aero is gay

PEACEEEE

THE TRUTH
01-01-2005, 02:23 AM
My only feeling about this is simply:

While it does serve it's purpose adequately, it seems overwritten. What I mean by that is: there is more visceral space in this writing than anything else. It sounds like poetry when you read it; but this isn't a poem. It's terribly well written. It's so well written it's irritating. If you know what I mean.

It's either you stop and describe or you engross yourself in movement.

Shorten your paragraphs, drop the old-age wherever you can, and dont over-describe -- that's the job of readers.

WUNZ PLAYAH ... stay up.

.LadyMarmalade.
01-01-2005, 05:34 PM
It's terribly well written. It's so well written it's irritating.

^ lol
Mind you I didnt understand some things, and that WAS irritating, lol

Xkwisite
01-02-2005, 12:47 AM
My only feeling about this is simply:

While it does serve it's purpose adequately, it seems overwritten. What I mean by that is: there is more visceral space in this writing than anything else. It sounds like poetry when you read it; but this isn't a poem. It's terribly well written. It's so well written it's irritating. If you know what I mean.

It's either you stop and describe or you engross yourself in movement.

Shorten your paragraphs, drop the old-age wherever you can, and dont over-describe -- that's the job of readers.

WUNZ PLAYAH ... stay up.



....the reason for the embellishment is because this is for a romance novel........after reading romance novels the over-embellishment is apparent......ya comments are most appreciated....holla back at me...

THE TRUTH
01-02-2005, 02:34 AM
Romance novel, suspense, it doesn't matter. My views remain. The most women-read books must be Zane (talkin sexually) and she writes far more simplistic. It's not the embellishment that holds readers, it's the emphasis on movement, on real events. If you get embellishment confused with action you will find yourself in problems.

But that was simply constructive criticism. Take it like a grain of salt.

WUNZ

Xkwisite
01-02-2005, 11:06 PM
Romance novel, suspense, it doesn't matter. My views remain. The most women-read books must be Zane (talkin sexually) and she writes far more simplistic. It's not the embellishment that holds readers, it's the emphasis on movement, on real events. If you get embellishment confused with action you will find yourself in problems.

But that was simply constructive criticism. Take it like a grain of salt.

WUNZ


....done.....but as far as writing goes...you are generalizing writing....if everyone wrote in a certain style than we are contorting the "artistic reflection" that causes everyone to be different....and out of a majority of the women that have read this....have already commented that this piece of the novel are very intimate and very intriguing....and i already have promises from some to buy a copy once i finish........and for the women the emphasis on movement is there......the whole piece is more emotionally driven instead of juss gettin str8 to the point......that's why they like it........

THE TRUTH
01-02-2005, 11:51 PM
I take your point. Wish you the best of luck in this project. Hope you get to the end and all the women who have promised you that they will buy it once your done, actually do. Though I think it is a mistake for you to assume that I generalized all writing -- being a person that writes myself -- you are surely entitled to do and be whatever you wish. That was never disputed. Keep the women happy.

WUNZ