Rules:
Everyone should know the basic rules. No bitching or fighting in the threads. Or shit talking. 1st offense results in 1 docked vote, 2nd offense results in dq. Everyone must vote on atleast 1 other topical or you will be docked a vote.
How to win:
If your opponent no shows, (IF YOU NO SHOW YOU WILL BANNED FROM THE NEXT TOPICAL TOURNEY EVENT)
or 3-0 Ko or a 4-1 ko or a first to 5. If a vote is placed as a tie each will get 1 vote a piece. and if it goes to 5-5 i will be the deciding vote.

If you run into any problems PM me or contact me at
MRC5712 (AIM/AOL)
dont_touch_me_there04 (Yahoo)

On most cases extensions will be discussed between me and your opponent.
Length: Up to 60 lines

Have fun and enjoy.


Topic:
This is sorta the same concept as my book that i am writing...
As a psychologist....you are doing a profile on a serial killer....explain the methods you use to create the profile on the killer, the content of the murders, and if your profile helps the cops make an arrest
**Note you can add a hook if you want and dialogue, this will not count against your line limit**

DEADLINE TO CHECK IN SATURDAY OCTOBER 15TH BY 11:59 EST
DEADLINE FOR VERSES IS SUNDAY OCTOBER 16TH BY 11:59 EST
IF FOR SOME REASON THEIR IS A CONFLICT WITH THIS LET ME KNOW EARLY, THE LATER YOU WAIT THE LOWER THE CHANCE OF GETTING AN EXTENSION.

damn i gots Arm...lmao. ranked 12th! wooooooooooo anyway hardtopic.

Check...

Check one, Check two
G'luck Clusion

Interesting topic...I remember this one from the last time around.

So neither advance?

^
No we had an extension....
Now on to our Feature Presentation...

"Angel of Death"

Me: Wheat
Detective Smith: Black

Sirens and barking dogs fill the busy night sky
A murder rate so high a killer had a sight to defy
Hungry for sins and so deeply in lust with death
Obsessed with seeing victims combust with a last breath
Rope, a .40 cal and a twisted mind were his preferred choice
But hed settle for whiskey and a bad conscious with a slurred voice
In his mind he thought he was doing the town a favor
And as a serial killer with each murder you begin to savor
Thirsting for the 'public persona' everyday your on the news
Continuing to confuse while leaving a few tips and clues
Since studyin the case I knew he was after the street scum
Sneaky and discrete he would always retreat to the slums
But he was no stranger to the lights of the rich streets
Known to kill greedy bussinessmen his niche was to compete
Further research stated he was 6'3 with light skin
Left at the scene is a pic of him in a ski mask with a grin
Along with the pic were a letter and a single fingerprint
My fingers tingle so I mingle with a witness to get a hint


*Cell Phone Rings*
Arminius:
Hello...
Detective Smith:
Arminius are you at the murder scene?
Arminius:
Listen I know I'm not....(*Cut Off by Detective*)
Detective Smith:
We just came across some critical information...It seems that the "Angel of Death's" get away car was found abondonned on 48th and Wilson. Two bodies were found in body bags locked in the trunk. One of the bodies was a female who was known for pushin cocaine in the projects on 52nd and Colfax for Jimmy "The Shark" Montana. The other was a lawyer who was workin on a trial to keep a child molester out of bars. The lawyers office is located on Jackson St. right off of 42nd. This obviously tells us a few things...We now know that both bodies were killed within a 25-30 min span, and the murder scene your at now is less then 15 mins from the previous two murders. Which leads us to believe it took less then a hour to kill three victims. The crucial evidence is that he left behind a map with a hit list on his next victims. We're not sure if it was by "accident" or purpose....
Arminius:
What's bein expected of me now?
Detective Smith:
Use your own judgement...

Speeding in the beemer a palm pilot, cell phone and previous history
Mind goin blank tryin to put the pieces together in this devious mystery
His past tells a story, I think hes headed to the projects
A soul so complex it made the case that much more perplex
Celly ringin the caller ID flashes, it's Detective Smith...
Gives me an address and says we need to be effective quick
He's known for constantly changing his methods and tactics
This was his show and he was makin sure it got more climactic
He was wanting to be noticed was it the rage in his heart?
Since his youth he was in a cage wishin for this biz from the start
Recieved an email with all the info of the map and his hit list
Suddenly it hits me, brain waves start to transmit so I persist
Did he have assistance? or was this just his sick persistence?
A bad horror movie but he didnt know this flick would end his exsistence
The past was quickly paintin the picture needed to solve the case
A killer with no heart, so cold that he would evolve to embrace
Previous murders had displayed similar styles of his technique
Each kill he would critique, a sick freak with a odd mystique

*Cell Phone Rings*

Arminius:
Yea...
Dectective Smith:
"Angel of Death" has just succeeded again with another murder. Meet Cpt. Wilkins at the scene while the rest of us continue pursuit. Once you come to a conclusion call me up and inform. Lets see if this one mirrors his previous victims...
Arminius:
Will do...

Enter the elevator quickly rushin to the tragic scene
This is victim number 14 signs say its his usual routine
Shot once in the chest finished off with a fatal headshot
Hanging from the rope and a note sayin "I wanna be caught"
Like usual his ego was dyin for 5 more mins of public exposure
Call up the detective try to stay calm and not blow my composure
"Detective I think you'll be shocked at what we've came across"
"Victim shot twice hangin from a rope, blood drippin like spaghetti sauce"
"Any personal info of who the victim could possibly be?"
"I cant gurantee but I think its the suspect settin himself free"
"Wait you mean to tell me the killer just did himself in?"
"Maybe he finally felt remorse for all of his previous sins?"
"Bullshit! this cant be the way this tragic spree comes to an end"
"Why such a condescending act?" I'm tryin to comprehend...
Investigators fleedin the scene searchin for more information
Stayed behind fillin in the clues all I felt was animosity and frustration
Curiousity was still in my mind, gun shot fired I was hit from behind
Bullet fired I was hit in the spine, ground I hit, body felt numb I was entwined
Angel of Death stood behind me with a President Bush mask on
Tried to ask a question, but I was interrupted, I was his final task to be forgone
Pulled back his mask and my eyes were shocked in disbelief
My emotions locked shortly after that is when I felt the grief
Couldnt believe the hand of cards I was dealt, all this time it was the Chief of police

i didnt have a clue what to do.. so ill get it in soon

Sorry its 2 hours late...
____________________________________________

His felling grey and old, decay and mold.
Story never been told, As his life un-folds...

He runs through the sheet of fog, Pattering like an old dog.
Getting away from jail, 30 year old killing male.
As the Sirens Hail through the air, Citizens Unaware..
That a Serial Killers out and about in the poring drought.
Tall and long black hair, Orange overalls and a crisp face.
Bullitins fly out to warn people to brace...
Police send out floods of traces, Traking through old places.
Looking through old cases to find this troubled killer...
Hoping not to see a killing thriller of deaths...
6 AM in the morning, Suns dawning as the light floods through the trees.
A nice -10 degrees, The killer still not found...
As he lies on the Ground, Trees do durrounding him...
His face looking grim and old, Slim and old yet only 30.
Run down Killer looking sturdy, He lies flat on his back...
Thinking about his front page attacks, where to pick up from his old tracks.
He had one with an Axe, Shotgun and 2 that happend by pure fist smacks.
His inteligents lacks as he got court by a set up...
Police followed his attacks with a sniffer pup, caught on the move...
Just to prove to his mother he was srtong, And whith her... thats where he belongs.
Right or wrong he is a dead man Like his victims.

His felling grey and old, decay and mold.
Story never been told, As his life un-folds...

Sirens get closer as he lays in the woods...
Thinking of away his mother would have understood.
Thinks backs to the great times he had with her...
Until he called him a failure, battering him to bits..
As he takes the beating and sits, No cry...
Just a small tear from his glimering blue eye.
At the Age of 18 he said his goodbye, And his mother never had a reply.
As he tries to make his way in life, Looking for a girlfriend to be a wife.
All he finds is Knifes stabbed in stomachs, and his life drops.
And then the cops on his tail, looking frail as failer hits him in the face.
20 and his running from the old bill, but still on the kill.
Drugs and theft, Thugs and hugs hten left, lovers been and gone.
like money... put in and withdrawn....
He puts his had in hte mud and digs in like a stud.
Pushes his self up, and looks at the tree oposite him...
Looking limb, life torrmenting him... Sirens is all he hears.
Voices of his mother shouting when there ment to be on one of them family outings.
He climbs the tree, temperture has rose to a nifty 2 degrees.
Its 7:26, As he gives his hard lips a nice licks.
whipes his had and up the tree. branches crackle and sticks fall.

His felling grey and old, decay and mold.
Story never been told, As his life un-folds...

Then he heres a mighty call... PAUL... are you there.
Its his mother, another tomenting voice in his head...
His 20 foot high, legs buckle at the thigh...
He jumps.......... as his mother sees him through the air...
She looks up to see the horrer of her son dieing...
she runs in care.. as he lies on the floor of mud...
_________________________________________

Vote up, Good luck arm.

Nice work on not just droppin man...Nice verse....
Good luck Clus

flow - tie
multis - arm
imagery - arm
depth - arm
vocab - arm
creativity - both

well, though clusion did alright, arm, in my opinion, took this one, i really liked the angle he came from, and you can see and tell the profiling of the killer, whereas , in clusion, ti seems like he's just describing the killers methods and things he has done, but not really going in depth and taking it to the reasons the killer does why he does n what not.. but clusion structure and rhyme scheme was, should i say, unique and interesting...

all in all, it was alright battle, but vote = arminus

Flow- Tie

Multis- arm

Vocabulary- arm

Originality- tie

Imagery- arm

Depth- arm

Hook Originality - guess this goes to clu lol..cuz he had a tiny one

Wordplay/Metaphors- Clusion had a few small glimpses or w'play...


Overall Vote: Arminius...
Reason: I felt his subject matter, story telling was excellent, as well with some nice vocab..well staying nice to the topic..good shit..i just felt clusion fell short in the lyrical area..but was pretty nice in the story telling side...but yeh good battle fella's..felt both ya verses but givin this to arm

ON TOPIC- Arminius you stayed on topic well, I loved the story telling you brought and the convos inbetween each segement...i was thinking it was gonna be the chief of police at the ending but i didnt expect it 10/10

DEPTH- If you were given a longer limit you could of went into more depth, maybe a reason why it was the chief of police, but i cant really penalize you for me setting the limit 8/10

IMAGERY- My favorite imagery was when you explained the bullet in the head and the body hanging... good imagery, other parts werent too vivid but a decent job 7/10

ORIGINALITY- Def original, I was really feelin how you came with this piece, going from scene to scene and explaining the actions inbetween 9/10

FLOW- Solid flow, no inner multis really, would of liked to see that, steady length in your lines... 8/10

MULTIS- Again as said in flow no inner multis and outters were decent..nothing really stand out here.. 7/10

VOCAB- Great Use of Vocab, helped a little with imagery and description well... 8/10

HOOK- N/A

Overall solid piece... well written and you excelled well in this piece.. 57/70---81.4%

-----------------------------------------


ON TOPIC- Clusion, you had asked me the night before you posted this about the topic.. i still dont think you fully understood, werent really on topic with this at all, jumped around quite a bit... 6/10

DEPTH- No real depth in this b.c it wasnt fully on topic, couldnt really get a sense of where you were going... 6/10

IMAGERY- You had some imagery here and there, nothing that really stood out, nothing that i can put as a good example.. 7/10

ORIGINALITY- Eh, it was somewhat original for being a bit off topic, but there really wasnt any direction to this and could tell you werent into this.. 6/10

FLOW- Flow was decent, off in places have an unusual rhyme scheme so that kinda threw me off.. 7/10

MULTIS- Simple multis, you had inner and outter multis due to a different rhyme scheme, nothing that was a great run of multis.. simple 1 or 2 word multis.... 7/10

VOCAB- Average use of vocab, wasnt anything i didn;t already know, an expanded vocab could of helped with imagery... 7/10

HOOK- Ok hook, wasnt really much of one, could of been set up and used better 6/10


Overall... As i said earlier it showed you werent into this, but atleast you showed so you get credit for that.. its easy to tell you are new to writing more experience will help in time... work on vocab and structure for your flow...52/80----65%



My Vote Goes to Arminius... good job...