Rules:
Everyone should know the basic rules. No bitching or fighting in the threads. Or shit talking. 1st offense results in 1 docked vote, 2nd offense results in dq. Everyone must vote on atleast 1 other topical or you will be docked a vote.
How to win:
If your opponent no shows, (IF YOU NO SHOW YOU WILL BANNED FROM THE NEXT TOPICAL TOURNEY EVENT)
or 3-0 Ko or a 4-1 ko or a first to 5. If a vote is placed as a tie each will get 1 vote a piece. and if it goes to 5-5 i will be the deciding vote.

If you run into any problems PM me or contact me at
MRC5712 (AIM/AOL)
dont_touch_me_there04 (Yahoo)

On most cases extensions will be discussed between me and your opponent.
Length: Up to 60 lines

Have fun and enjoy.


Topic:
Drug dealer who was brought on the T.V show The Apprentice from Donald Trump. You were given the task of running a buisness for 2-3 days. Incorporate how drug dealing helps/works in running this company.
**Note you can add a hook if you want and dialogue, this will not count against your line limit**

DEADLINE TO CHECK IN SATURDAY OCTOBER 15TH BY 11:59 EST
DEADLINE FOR VERSES IS SUNDAY OCTOBER 16TH BY 11:59 EST
IF FOR SOME REASON THEIR IS A CONFLICT WITH THIS LET ME KNOW EARLY, THE LATER YOU WAIT THE LOWER THE CHANCE OF GETTING AN EXTENSION.

checkin in and good luck

^ditto.....

Narrator: Last week on The Apprentice former street hustler known as JR was stirring up all kind of trouble with the other contestants. His obnoxious and arrogant attitude did not go over well with the other members in the house. Yet he was still able to handle his assignment with flying colors and secure his spot. Last week the members were split into three groups with three different assignments. JR's group was assigned the task of running New York Citys Hello Deli for 3 days. Lets see how this story unraveled.............

Day 1
We in an all black limo tented Excalade, 5 minutes away from Time square,
Use this time to prepare with my teammates Oscar, Katrina, and Pierre,
So I begin to share, all the knowledge I have, and I inquire to hear theres,
Im met with 3 blank stares, I guess with former lifestyle, im the most prepared,
When we arrive Trump is there, monitoring and watching what we doing,
So I direct my crew in, the Hello Deli and took the first steps in getting this biz moving,
So I took the managorial position and delegated the jobs needed fast,
None of this is new to me, Ive have to master this task, in the past,
Katrina handles the Cash and register because her skills show shes talented in math,
Oscars in charge of the finance, he calculates the budget and print it out on graphs,
Pierres skill are Sad, and lacking so hes in charge of sweeping the floor and filling customers bags,
and Im the manager, I make sure I bring the customers in and they leave glad,
The same job I had when I was on the block, I had to have the best product,
Hopefully with our luck they keep coming back like crack and expressos and starbucks,
My team is grinding and working, with all the female customers is where im lurking,
I could teach you something, because every female I talk too leave with something,
You gotta be a people person, and I guess we have been doing our job well,
Our inventory is getting empty, god damn just take a look at the shelves,
At the end of day we count up the cash, and rejoice because this days been sunny,
And I tell Oscar to split up the funds, but dont forget to seperate the re-up money,

Narrator: Day 1 was a success Jr and his team were able to move a lot of product and make a lot of money doing it. Everyone in the team left with a decent amount of cash and also enough money to restock the inventorie yes business is looking good.

Day 2
Im up at four, refilling the stock and sweeping the floors, before 6 thats when we open the doors,
A hustla never sleeps, thats why im working early just to be one up on the scoreboard,
Returning customers expecting more, So im more prepared than before,
Just like the dopegame, if you a ki one day, the next day you gotta have ki's galore,
For sure, its not a game illegal or not nigga business is business,
It all boils down to distibuting merchandise and collecting multiple digits,
*Knock knock*, who is it, My team arrives at 5 ready to do what it do,
Even though Im the only Ex dope dealer, these cats is hustlas too,
6 oclock, the doors open and you wouldnt believe but there is a line outside,
I knew day 2 would be busier, plus its Friday My hustling hunches were right,
Im throwing out sales pitches left and right, like "we gotta deal on the white(oops) I mean the newest mechandise",
My mouthpiece game is nice, Im persuade Chinese people to buy my Shrimp Fried rice,
You gotta make the customer feel like need something when he really dont,
You gotta make them purchase a cart full when he believes that he wont,
Its all about persuasion, it dont matter if you black, white, caucasion, or asian,
To be a hustla or make it in sales your manipulation skills gotta be amazing,
Female customers returned just to see how I was doin the flirting and manipulating worked,
Cause on the real how many women you know go to a liquor store in short black skirts,
Preparing for closing time Donald Trump examines the tape and witnesses what occured,
Day 2 was a whopping sucess and now its time to see what happen on the third,


Day 3
We really didnt need day three weve already proved our worth to Donalds company,
But the third day started off with a bang like the second day luckily,
Pierre ask me why is that everyday the same customers keep coming back,
And I replied sarcastically, "Because Hello Deli is where its at,"
but really im knowing that, its because we giving customers something nobody else has,
whether you pushing the best bricks on the corner, or having the best customer service you ever had,
Its all crack......its all things that will make your opposition fall back,
Thats why im frequently serving my customers, now is not the time to be a wall rat,
All my life I have been convinving people to buy and try and new things,
Hell I beat up a hippie, steal his jewelry, and sell him back his own mood ring,
Thats my M.O, it aint my fault that I grew up with that hustlin mentality,
to where I casually, have the abilitie to make my words bend reality,
My assignment was a smashing success we made tons and didnt lose none,
Time to call up my man Donell Trump and tell him my jobs done,

Longest stretch of time I’ve ever had in front of bars/
Time to forgot my horrendous past, time to confront my scars/
But every dawn, I’m still trapped by the bars in my brain/
Heavy Metal wake-up, bass rips my veins, guitars burn with pain/
I have a measly 3 days, 72 hours to make my conscience proud/
Mind screams eternally, to fulfill the promise I once vowed/
To the 1 woman in my life, who didn’t beg for powder or sex/
Who told me I could better the rest of the Devils subjects/
That I could fly from the projects, live a worthy existence/
Look at me now, in charge of a company, its getting intense/
The power's immense, first day and I’m shaking with suspense/
Jump off the subway, my knees fail as I reach my employment/
Towers loom angrily over me, I’m a tool for their enjoyment/
Pulse jumps as I scarper into the building and up to the desk/
Posters splattered on walls, proclaiming "you are the best!"/
Confidence falls into abyss, but honestly I must wear a mask/
Stares as I pass, a harlequin with a despair seeped past/
Finally I reach the welcome sanctuary of a faceless office/
Rage floods me, I will prove wrong all those faithless pricks/
But then before I explode, my emotions are ruined and spent/
I collapse at the desk, excruciating pain, causes me torment/
"You see the new guy? Stormed straight into his office and locked himself in?"
"Oh yeh, we had a briefing about that this morning, he's a ex drug dealer, how exciting"
"A drug dealer! What’s filth like that doing in a place like this?"
"It’s an experiment for that programme, "The Apprentice" you seen it?"
"Ah yeh with that guy, wasshisname Donald Trump"
"Yeh that’s the one, we have to pretend that this guy is our boss for a dew days,
The program wants to know how people from jail can cope with the workplace"

Need to pull myself together, how can I when I’m falling apart?/
Make myself smart, emotions boxed up, and this room I depart/
Confident strides, skin ignites with the heat of their glares/
Defeat isn’t theirs, eyes to heaven only hope your meeting my prayers/
Everyone’s gathering, flocking towards my impending defeat/
"Hello, glad to..." my sentence hangs, it ends incomplete/
I swallow deep gulps of air, drown in their accusing stares/
Finally, words escape my throat, "Hello" I eventually declare/
"I'm from the TV, I will be running this company a while"/
Force out a smile, their confidence I attempt to beguile/
"You may have heard of my past, but try not to judge me"/
Meet their eyes, pupils forced to look away begrudgingly/
My charade cannot last, how can I keep my mask intact?
Within I am cracked, bile flows as my stomach contracts/
I slip seamlessly back into character, designate tasks/
My Mind steals my attention, questions that only fate asks/
"What if I fail, will I keep myself from the gutter?/
Will I keep my face to the light" I quietly mutter/
Snap back to the office, everyone's faces glazed and bored/
I raise toward the ceiling, but I'm amazed I’m ignored.../
"What’s this idiot doing, trying to boss us around, I might say something.
There’s nothing in our contract that says have to stand for this, lets just leave him just to talk to himself,
I’m going back to work. I’ve got some emails to reply to.
My audience is lost, now all I see is ranks of backs/
Left alone, mind so battered I feel physically attacked/
My thoughts told me is was worthless to accept this job/
All those nights I wept and sobbed, temples throbbed/
I was deceived, what could I teach these intelligent beings?/
Remembering all theses nights in the past I spent fleeing/
I'm equipped to run the streets, not lead a corporation/
Multiple white lines took their toll on thought formation/
Multiple sensations, taking me further from salvation/
Walls crushing me, eyes calling out in painful desperation/
I leap to my feet, and barge back into that faceless room/
Exorcise my demons, I tried to trap them in a graceless tomb/
But they hunt me, all that’s left is me and a open window/
Wicked Winds play on dusty blinds, hiding a endless drop below/
What will the angels do when they arrive and find a empty cell/
If only they saw my mind, my flaming eyes, they could have seen hell/

Mr. Trump: And that ladies and gents, is why drug dealers are not suited to management......


Imperium asked me to post this for him so I did...
Explaned votes....

Wow......interesting.
This is how it broke down:
Flow: Young Stacks
Style: Imperium
Punches: Imperium
Similies: Young Stacks
Structure: Young Stacks
Creativity: Both
On Point with topic: Both did real well
My vote goes to: Young Stacks by a hair.

Man this was one of the closest battles I ever had to vote on.
They were both real good verses, but I was more interested in young stacks verse.
Just came with it a little harder. Good job to both of you.

*Reps Young Stacks*
"comment, Nice verse*

thanks for the vote 1-0 good verse imp

only questionable call i have on fates vote is... this is a topical battle... where the fuck are the punches??



** nvm.. re-edit... fates vote is nulled... refer to How To Vote thread for a proper breakdown and how to vote... then vote will be counted once adjusted...**

creativity: Young(prettty close though)
meta's: Young
depth: young
imagery: hmm, tie i should say
vocab: tie
vote: young $tack$
reason: i felt that he($tack$) really focused on how he was a drug dealer and how that help his success, but imp. also was nice on how he couldnt handle the pressure and shit, good one to both

hmmm good verses bye the both of you :)
voting
Imperium
ure verse was good you kept to the point and i thought you was very original, ure metas was put to good use but i personally think you could have put more effort into your vocab, but in the whole really good work.

stacks
this was a interesting read it flowed easily and you kept to the point very well, your metas and vocab was good and the originality of the piece would get a 9/10.

the verdict
tbh i thought that young stacks took this he seemed like he put more effort into this and wanted it more and i also thought his verse was better and had more creativity

vote - young stacks

thanks for the vote both of you, but smh at me losing at vocab and strucutre :mad:

man, this is a hard choice, real hard, i've been debating this for the past day before actually posting, ..cuz like, both of you did real good coming from the angle/perspective you each did...

flow - imp (youngs lines r too long imo)
multis - imp (both had em but i felt imp's more , flowed more smoothly)
creativity - both (both good for their respective angles)
depth - both
vocab - both
imagery - both

now the topic part, this was the most difficult to decide on, cuz the topic says , how drug dealing works/helps in the show, and obviously imp shown how it really didnt work at all for his scenario, ....now, i was leaning towards stacks in this, but reading deeper, the topic doesn't say "work/help for good" or "work/help for bad", so seeing as how it doesn't specify foor success or for failure, then i feel that both are on topic..
so....topic - both...

so , both you two were really good for each of your respective prespectives, but in the end it cam down to flow really, and young stacks lines were too long in my opinion..so
vote - imperium

thanks for the vote.....2-1 to you stacks

Young Stacks - I like the story telling aspect of this, it's like a rap narration about the situation and you describe the scene well. The narration part at the beginning set the scene nicely and gave you a good foundation for a possible strong verse without rhyming the first line.

Returning customers expecting more, So im more prepared than before,
Just like the dopegame, if you a ki one day, the next day you gotta have ki's galore

^ That was nice, liked the flow of this bar and it fitted in perfectly with the topic

Only downside of the verse that was evident was the structure/line length. I felt it sacrificed the flow of the piece in some parts and therefore lost some of the effect of the messages and events being portrayed.

Imperium - A very different way of looking at the situation but still very effective. There was some really nice imagery being created, and some brilliant metaphors being thrown about left, right and centre. Structure and flow was also excellent, one of the best in the round.

I'm equipped to run the streets, not lead a corporation/
Multiple white lines took their toll on thought formation/
Multiple sensations, taking me further from salvation/
Walls crushing me, eyes calling out in painful desperation/

^ That was the highlight of the verse for me - vocab, flow, structure, imagery, metas, basically everything was on point in those bars.

OVERALL:

Flow - Imperium, hands down.
Multis - Both had nice multis, but I felt Imperium's flowed more consistently
Vocabulary - Both had their ups and downs with vocab, but I think Stacks edged it slightly because his were a tad bit more consistent
Originality - I liked both styles a lot, both were unique in their own way. But I felt that Stacks had a slightly more creative verse, with the narration and diary style of telling his story, so originality goes to Young Stacks
Imagery - Tie, nothing seperating them with imagery, both excellent
Depth - Couldn't find many flaws in either piece's depth. Both explained emotions and thoughts in detail and went into depth to describe the situation. Tie.
Wordplay/Metaphors - Stacks had some mad nice wordplay and metas, but so did Imperium, and I felt he was more consistent with them, so Imperium
Was the writer on topic? Stacks did an excellent job of sticking to the topic and writing about all of the elements given in the title. Imp also did a good job, but I felt he could have gone into more detail about the 'Incorporate how drug dealing helps/works in running this company' part of the topic. So Stacks takes this category

After counting up the category votes, I have you both tied at 3-3. After speaking with Prof, he said tied votes are allowed, so I am going to call this one a tie. I find it too harsh to call a winner on this battle because none of you deserve to lose it. Both of you will get a vote each.

*TIE*

Really good match guys, I've repped you both

ON TOPIC- Imperium you stayed on topic well, i liked how you added the other workers convos in their to help give an idea of what was going on w/o wasting bars on it...only flaw.. u had it only last 1 day..but i understand how 1 day can break a person.... 8/10

DEPTH- Decent depth, you gave depth of his background and what he was feeling and how he acted on his first day.. 7.5/10

IMAGERY- I was really feeling the imagery, talking about the demons and the bile in the stomach.. some of the better imagery and description i've seen in topicals.. 10/10

ORIGINALITY- Pretty original, i liked how u made him all nervous and not act like a hard ass, how u explained his past, his actions, thoughts and feelings.. 8/10

FLOW- Real solid flow, didnt really see any slip ups, 9/10

MULTIS- Nice inner and outter multis, complimented the flow well 9/10

VOCAB- Great vocab, helped imagery and description and were able to flow them easily... 9/10

HOOK- N/A


Overall solid verse, great flow, vocab and imagery, written pretty good considering u didnt like the topic... 60.5/70----86.4%


-----------------------------------------------


ON TOPIC- Def stayed on topic, i liked how you added a crew of unfamiliars that had their own little abilities.. 9/10

DEPTH- Depth was there and it wasnt. You said what you needed to and how it all worked, down and dirty to the point.. 7.5/10

IMAGERY- Some good imagery in parts, nothing really stood out but nothing was a complete blank either... 7.5/10

ORIGINALITY- This is kind of what I expected either of you to write, you added a little twist that made it better.. but just from the 1st day i expecting your ending... 8/10

FLOW- Pretty good flow, had a few stretched lines that hurt it a little bit, inners and outters were ok... 8/10

MULTIS- As i said above inners/outters were ok, but the line length kinda hurt how you used ur multis... 7.5/10

VOCAB- Pretty good vocab, helped a little with your imagery and the descritpiton you used, no need to expand.. but try substituting some of your similar words with other words that have the same meaning... 8/10

HOOK- N/A


Overall- You had a really good verse, but it seemed expected to me, i liked how imperium twisted it a little and gave it an original flavor...and his imagery stood out more...that was the deciding factor....55.5/70---79.2%



My Vote Goes to Imperium... good job to both..

thanks for the votes^ both of them broken down really nicely and is going to help me imporve on my future verse's. i make that...
3-3 to stacks?

Imperium:

Flow: Killed the flow. Great job
Vocab: Vocab was your definate advantage in this one. Way to use that dictionary
Imagery: Good job. I could see in my head what you were saying.
Topic:On topic great. Very good job. I liked the angle of it being an experiment of how u'd do out of prison.
Multis: Amazing
Overall:9.3/10

Highlight:
"Confident strides, skin ignites with the heat of their glares/
Defeat isn’t theirs, eyes to heaven only hope your meeting my prayers/
Everyone’s gathering, flocking towards my impending defeat/
"Hello, glad to..." my sentence hangs, it ends incomplete/
I swallow deep gulps of air, drown in their accusing stares/
Finally, words escape my throat, "Hello" I eventually declare/ " Incredible

"What will the angels do when they arrive and find a empty cell/
If only they saw my mind, my flaming eyes, they could have seen hell/" Damn way to end with a bang


----------------------------------

Stacks:

Flow: This is a problem. Some parts flow great, some flow barely. Some places were just off.
Vocab: Not bad, nothing amazing, but nothing simplistic.
Imagery: I could see wat you were saying in my head. But could be more in depth in area's. You did a good job focusing on the selling aspect. And bein the boss of the business, just like being the boss on the corner
Multis: Plenty of them, didn't neccesarily like the way some were used.(stretched, while others were to short.Consistency)
Topic: On topic great. Very good job.
Overall: 8/10

Highlight:
"For sure, its not a game illegal or not nigga business is business,
It all boils down to distibuting merchandise and collecting multiple digits,
*Knock knock*, who is it, My team arrives at 5 ready to do what it do,
Even though Im the only Ex dope dealer, these cats is hustlas too"

Dissapointed:
"You gotta make them purchase a cart full when he believes that he wont,
Its all about persuasion, it dont matter if you black, white, caucasion, or asian"

Could have been a good bar. But caucasians are white people. So i ended up just thinkin it was a stupid bar. But it COULD have been good.


Vote-Imperium 4-3

Flow: Imperium (Young had good flow too but Imp had better in my opinion)
Multies: Tie (nice ones)
Creativity: Tie (both had good creativity, they decided and opened it all up well)
Depth: $tack$ (in my opinion Young had more feeling to his verse, better structure and more depth, but Imp defiantly had depth)
Vocab: Tie
Imagery: Tie
Topic: $tack$
Enjoyment: Tie

Overall vote: $tack$

This was a really nice battle, feeling both verses a lot and you both kept to the topic, and opened and ended well. $tack$ I thought a few of your lines were some what too long, but I thought $tack$ had great depth and came in deeply and nice. Imperium, your's was an extremely nice verse but I have to give this one to $tack$, tough decision though. Nice battle overall. Big props.

voting over.. both advance to round 2...