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FIRST TO 5 (4-1 TKO...3-0 KO)
VOTE ON:
ON TOPIC
DEPTH
IMAGERY
ORIGINALITY
FLOW
MULTIS
VOCAB


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TOPIC - "The Purist Form"

Check.

check

The Purist Form?
Purist - One who practices or urges strict correctness, especially in the use of words

Body? Say you love it , say your strong and its in the purist form
Then why is there drugs, alcohol, in every college students dorm
People, cut themselves with no remorse, women having illicit sex
……..screaming and hollering until there voice is horse
STDS and AIDS we don’t listen we just want what the body craves
No protection. except the dirt that soon enough will be above your grave
For what reason? Something we still cant figure out.
….the things that will kill us
We are quick to die to receive without a doubt.
Social? Hunting for to be respected, fake is our strongest weapon
Running from ourselves; hearing anything real could be deafening
Threatening for die just so you can reach the top; Fame is the plot
….Using all of our time to prove something..what if we just dropped?
Good question..our lives would have been a waste of gods time
Money is the goal so on all of our resumes we end up lying
The real us? Its behind a structure that could be compared to the Berlin wall
….locked up in chains
Just so the fake us wont have any threats to standing tall
Forget all of the speculation; we are slowly destroying humanity
Parental Relation? Men and woman cant even admit their family
The worlds governments have become a another different issue
Spending less money on there country and people
……and more on missiles
Blow the whistle, this whole game is on our own call
Decisions kicked back and forth like a soccer ball
Its either reach our goal, or our lives will be canceled
….by burdens causing towering rainfalls.

Just keyed something, because it wouldnt be right for you to show and I didnt show. so i showed with something atleast. enjoyy and youll probaly have a nice verse so good luck cus i may not be on to read.

“The Purist Form”


Purist: somebody who insists on maintaining something in its traditional form







Mikey James’ Diary



Father, you tore my soul a thousand fold..



February 24



Oh dear diary, tonight’s supper was vile-n’-horrid!

Father mildly-morbid, Mother’s smile-distorted

Our finest china placed, and the shiniest cutlery-used

Mom and Dad had dressed nice, but-we-did-too

Terrified diary! The silence squeezing me breathless

I hadn’t seen my parents speak since breakfast

Nervous helps reckless, my hand rattling-fast

But my fingers certain to forbid a shattering-glass

My mother stared at me, I saw sorrow-inside

Her eyes were beautiful, but sore-from-the-cries

She’s pale now, her skin sheepish-at-best

If color showed life, it’d be best if she’s-laid-to-rest

A fallen angel, that’s what describes-her-best

But he clipped her wings, now her life’s-a-mess



He! My father! Damn his soul!

I shall pray he drowns it with the green bottle!



The formalities were for the funeral for our family

And my sanity! He planned to kill them both, had-to-be!

A divorce?! What happened to death-do-us-part?!

Bottom of the tree crumbles, and the rest-comes-apart

Compress-hateful-sparks; diary please speak-to-me!

Dirty hands of the fury poltergeist are reaching-me!

No! Forget that beast! Look, my mother’s-in-tears

I ran from the table, escaped to cover-my-fears

And I came straight to you diary! Help me diary!

I’m at a loss for words, oh, and this pain inside-me!

This pen shakes; I can’t write-another-word!

Must fight-against-the-urge, this spite’s-to-be-submerged



Ah..I’ll reflect on another day..



February 27



My father’s the devil in a twisted paternal-shape

He spoiled and spilt milk, and sent-our-fate!

A vent-mistake? Never! He said what he meant-to-say!

Now the demon inside me is wholly bent-on-rage!

Wrecked-the-day, diary, everything! The bastard!

Lord forgive! When I dream his death I hear laughter!

The last-three-days, Brother’s said I’ve been acting-strange

I feel okay, just been sharpening this hatchet-blade

On it has my daddy’s-name; so I plan to put axe-to-frame

I’ll hack-away; this pain, it’s him I have-to-blame

This is a faster-way to rid of the pain-we-know

Ma’ is sick with guilt, diary, never blamed-her-though

She had a simple wish; don’t follow daddy’s footsteps

I said I would, but not in that sense, before she could-fret

So tomorrow, diary, I follow the devil to the depths-of-hell

It’ll be a messy tale, but there will only one left-to-tell



Me, diary, me..



*The rest of the diary is either bloodstained or ripped up

to the point it is no longer legible*





…






Samantha James was found dead in her apartment. All evidence leads to suicide. However, police found a book that was said to be a diary. Interestingly enough, it had her son’s, Mikey James, names on it. When law enforcement looked at it however, they said that the characters represented a women’s style of script, and the vocabulary and expression of emotions were far too advanced for a child of eight. Police have yet to understand why Samantha may have written a diary-type story in the point of view of her child. When Frank James, Sam’s ex-husband, was questioned about the diary, he did not understand why either.

Thanks Zu.

ON TOPIC - Tie. Both writer's picked their ideas, and stayed on them throughout the drop.
DEPTH - FatalExcellence. AboutFace had a few points that really dug into the subject, but he skimmed the surface quite a bit. Fatal developed a great storyline to dive into.
IMAGERY - Tie. AboutFace had some subliminal images in his piece. He put some more out of the ordinary views into his piece, while Fatal had some straightforward imagery. Both portrayed well with the style and topic.
ORIGINALITY - For this topic, tie. Fatal's idea is a little more commonly used, with a solid flip. About took on a bit of a twist to an un-original idea.
FLOW - FatalExcellence. His lines were short and crisp. He didn't try to cram any ideas, and made his piece fitting.
MULTIS - FatalExcellence. While I'm not muc of a fan of hyphens to show off your multi, it didn't bother me too much, because he had some solid multis. About was a little rough at times, which hurt him in this cat only. I feel it benefits him elsewhere.
VOCAB - Neither had anything too outstanding. Their word choice was solid throughout though. If I had to choose who used their vocab more effectively, I'd have to say that Fatal barely took this one.


Rationale: AboutFace had a decent verse. I feel that had he sat and really tried to get this done, he may have pulled away with a win, or at least a tie vote from me. His piece felt empty at times, which really brought down the enjoyment of reading his verse.

Fatal had a cool verse. His concepts and ideas throughout made his piece shine. He used a few cool techniques as far as wording and all to help make his piece a little more enjoyable.

Vote: FatalExcellence.

ON TOPIC - Tie. Both Had Decent Verses Linked To The Topic.

DEPTH - FatalExcellence. Sean's Drop To Me Was Too Rushed, He As Sly Stated, Tended To Skim Over A General Idea,Whereas FE Gave Us Much More Of An Insight Into The World He Created.

IMAGERY - Fatal Excellence. Sean Had Some Lines Such As The Grave One, But Fatal Had Many Descriptive And Vivid Images Throughout His Piece.

ORIGINALITY - Sean Springs. His Idea Was Less Commonly Used, Ive Seen Fatal's Idea Many Times.

FLOW - FatalExcellence. His Structure was Solid Throughout And His Lines Were Short With Crisp Wording,

MULTIS - FatalExcellence. Although I Agree With Sly, He Shouldn't Have Hyphened His Multies As The Sylables Didn't Always Match And This Gave The Effect That Some of Them Were A Little Forced, This However, Was Not The Case The Majority of The Time.


VOCAB - Neither had anything too outstanding. Their word choice was solid throughout though. If I had to choose who used their vocab more effectively, I'd have to say that Fatal barely took this one.


Rationale: Sean's Verse Was Rushed.. Plain As. Ive Seen Much Better Drops Of His And He Didnt Really Incorporate Much Imagery Or Give Enough Depth To Enthral The Reader. Fatal However Had An All Round Decent Verse.

Vote: FatalExcellence.

2-0 FatalExcellence.

vote fatalexcellence


ON TOPIC - Tie. both stay on topic and on point all the way thru

DEPTH - FatalExcellence. he clearly won this category, about face only seemed to give us his view and a brief synopsis of the topic relating to what saw as his view, fatalexcellence set up the scne and was semi descriptive

IMAGERY - Fatal Excellence. won this category for me....he went into it set up a scene and followed it methodically all the way thru, it was good to me. about face had glimpses but nothing that he sustaianed for any period of more than a line here or 2 lines there.

ORIGINALITY - tie...i've seen both ideas used before both did well in flipping them into sumthing worth reading

FLOW - FatalExcellence. his structure was solid and his multi usage was good for the most part...about face had some points were his piece lacked flow at times...Fatalexcellence was pretty consistant with his flow

MULTIS - tie..alot of fatalexcellences multies didnt match up that well..and about face had them but not in abundance

VOCAB - tie...neither blew the dictionary up...but for the pieces they dropped they didnt need to, they both managed very well without websters dictionary...lol

Dammit, I just wrote something up and the page closed on me! This is a ko, but I'm voting anyways.

On Topic - They both stayed on topic, tie. I didn't think FE was on topic at all, then came the ending with the twist. That lady reverted to her purist form when writing her diary. As Borat would say, veddy nice!

Depth - FE went a lot more in depth than About Face. AboutFace's was more of a philisophical piece and involved more generalities, FE's was a story.

Imagery - I won't count this against AboutFace since his was more of a general piece on the topic, whereas, FE's depended on Imagery since it was from someone's point of view and in story form. Very good imagery FE.

Originality - Fatal Excellence, especially since About Face admitted to keying theirs up.

Flow - Fatal Excellence. Easy rhyming scheme, solid throughout. About Face's didn't rhyme at all it seemed at times, maybe I just couldn't pick up on the structure? I read it over a few times to try to catch on, but I couldn't do it. Fatal Excellence's piece was fluid

Multis - Tie...both were just about average in this category

Vocab - About Face. Though his vocab didn't really enhance his drop too much, he attempted it. Fatal Excellence's piece was more simplicity than anything, but in the end, I think keeping it simple won him this battle.

Vote - Fatal Excellence.

That's 3-0 FatalExcellence. He moves on to the next round, Congratulations.